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A Facebook conversation at about 1am, three IB kids working on the same history worksheet. One of them gets bleary and starts uttering random quotes:
Kaity: Claire, was your answer for #1 like, really short?
Claire: Like three sentences.
Sam: Damn mine was one.
Kaity: Mine too.
Kaity: . . .. Once upon a midnight dreary as I pondered weak and weary over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore. . . Hey! That's like now!!
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Quote #150
Eighth grader shadowing an IB student: I think I'm going to take IB when I come here.
IB Student: Don't do it! Save yourself! Save yourself while you still can!!!
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Quote #184
*During a conversation on metaphisical statements in TOK*
TOK Teacher: I can't help but think that God is rather indifferent as to the amount of cabbage that you eat.
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Quote #284
Chemistry teacher: Here's the percent error formula: you minus God over God times a hundred.
Student 1: Wait, what?
Chemistry teacher: You heard me.
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Quote #297
IB Student: Last night I prayed a natural disaster would happen so that I could get out of this AP MEH test, I cried when I woke up.
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Quote #343
American Gov't Teacher: Now, I know we're in Paris and don't get American news, but you've got to keep updated on the election. Just check up on the CNN website or something each day.
Student 1: Oh my god... there's an election going on at home?
Student 2: Hmm interesting analysis, but you might need some sources for that. On another note, did you know the IBO made an update to the Syllabus for Mathematics SL? It's on page 34 in the syllabus, and page 235 in the Vade Mecum. Section D14 I believe.
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Quote #424
When I started at an IB school I though "wow this school is gonna be really nerdy". After a couple of weeks I realized "wow this school really isn't nerdy!"
Now I know I just became more nerdy!
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Quote #425
Pre IB student: SO SO SO, is IB fun?
IB student: um, hmm, mhmm, eh. *grimaces*
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Quote #444
*while watching a kid throw someone's book on the floor and run away*
Michael: Don't worry. He has the intellectual capacity of an amoeba.
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Quote #588
Clara: I moved from America to France and barely notice the difference because IB is the same...and IB is my life.
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Quote #988
Ms Bigras: If you don't stop talking I'm going to throw you out the window. Actually, I'll put you in a microwave at the back of the room.
IB student: We learned about microwaves today! Apparently they can burn your skin off!
Ms Bigras: Thats great, stop talking.
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Quote #36
Class: You know, lots of people can access that...
Mr. Belbin: I know what you guys mean, but it's not like any random Bloe Joe on the street knows how to use it.
Class: hahahahaha!!
Mr. Belbin: Sometimes I just don't understand you guys.
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Quote #126
Proof that IB has distorted your perception of the world:
History teacher draws squiggles on the whiteboard:
"Now what is that?"
Class: "Schleswig-Holstein!"
*Teacher adds a squiggle*
"And that?"
Class: "Jutland!"
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Quote #201
TOK Teacher (about "general truths"): Well, quartz is a metal, everyone agrees with that...
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Quote #249
TOK teacher: "The most disruptive member of society is the male member."
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Quote #429
Who built the ToK ArK?
Knower!
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Quote #519
TOK: What is math?
Student 1: Math is a way of expressing ideas. Math is it's own language.
Student 2: Math is more than just a language. Math allows us to express ideas and statements that are impossible to express using a natural language.
Student 1: Can you give me an example?
-GDHS I.B 2007-2009
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Quote #1950
Student: I wish you would conserve paper more, you don't have to hurt the trees!
Teacher: Well, "teacher" is derived from the Portuguese word for "tree-killer."
Student: Really???
Teacher: No. But I do plant a tree for every thousand papers I use.
Student: Really???
Teacher: No!!
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Quote #105
Sitting next to a pretty girl and talking for hours can feel like minutes but sitting on a hot stove for a few minutes can feel like hours. THATS relativity.
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Quote #120
In Music...
Student: This song is SUFFERING and PAIN and DARKNESS and DEATH!!!!!
*begins playing Mozart's Rondo a la Turk*
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Quote #142
A friend in IB:
Applied math is physics.
Applied physics is chem.
Applied chem is bio.
Applied bio is FUN!
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Quote #273
(Male english teacher on Dr. Astrov from Chekhov's "Uncle Vanya")
"Well YES he was drunk, but he's also a man! And men are notoriously STUPID."
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Quote #348
(IB student Daniel criticising grammar on this site)
"Not the best grammar...........oh shit, I'm becoming like them...!"
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Quote #366
Art teacher: Humans made time, therefore we control time!
Rest of art class, still freaking out about an art project due the next day despite the help.
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Quote #1899
only in IB will you find kids writing in all surfaces of the auditorium during a senior assembly trying to finish their chemistry write up
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Quote #189
"If you don't practice for the oral commentary (english), then you might as well get a big jar of vaseline, a rubber glove, and screw yourself over."
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Quote #265
If you're an IB student, you actually have an IB dance to release stress when your IB coordinator comes in and reminds you of the work you kept on procrastinating.
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Quote #350
IB Maths student: Why did we do that?
IB Maths teacher: Because the question asked.
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Quote #415
In TOK class trying to define 'good' and giving examples of when we use it
Student 1: 'Good' is what you use to describe something that is not bad.
Student 2: But that definition doesn't apply to all uses of it.
Student 1: But for example out of a 'good boy' and a 'bad boy' then of course the good is the one you would want.
TOK teacher: Uh... really??
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Quote #590
Student: Teacher, when will we get our tests back from 2 weeks ago?
Teacher: You students, don't you realize that it's because of you students that i get so stressed?? I have to teach you everyday and i even have to mark your papers! No, never ask me this again. I will give you you're papers back when i want to.
Students: Well, how many have you started marking?
Teacher: As i said, i'm a very stressed and busy woman. So i have only marked 5.
Student: Teacher, then what should i do if i have to study for 5 tests, do 4 assignments, 2 projects, and 2 presentations?
Teacher: Well then, that's you're problem.
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Quote #47
TOK Teacher/ English teacher: You guys should have wrote it down.
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Quote #56
Frank: Are you talking about the frog's photosynthesis?
(This took place after TOK)
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Quote #72
Ms. Preston- Are there any questions about the essay question in the Walden test?
Student- Whats the question going to be?
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Quote #143
The best response to impossible Chem HL questions:
"Here's another thing you taught me, how to brew up TNT. "
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Quote #166
What is IB? Alcatraz, and the subjects are the prisoners.
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Quote #191
"Is this side 1?"
"Of course it is, that's a f*cking unit circle."
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Quote #193
When questioned on the matter, the young IB inquisitively replied,
"Social life? What is a social life?"
and postulated on the matter for the rest of the school year.
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Quote #224
IB Spanish Student 1: How do I address the person in the start of my letter?
IB Spanish Student 2: Cuidado amiga
IB Spanish Student 1: "Caution" friend?
IB Spanish Student 2: Wait, that's on the wet floor signs... oops.
(The word they were looking for was "querido")
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Quote #317
Math class, talking about provincials:
Teacher: ...and when you're filling the numbers in on the bubble sheet make sure it's really clear what number it is, cause the computer can get it confused... don't make your fives look like eights.
Student 1: What about European sevens?
Teacher: Like with a dash through them? That's fine.
Student 2: What about asian fives?
Teacher: ...What the HELL is an ASIAN FIVE!?!
Class: ahahahhahhahahahhahahah lolololol
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Quote #339
"It's like a nebulous ring of nefarious warlords."
-IB Coordinator, on the fabled IB bureaucrats
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Quote #342
IB Student: I feel like it's an eternal battle between me and our IB Coordinator. It's like she's Andrew Jackson...and I'm Aaron Burr.
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Quote #449
Student: Oh, look at Bobby and Jo - he's sitting next to her!
History Teacher: Yep, Bobby is just like Rasputin, he can't control his sexual appetite!
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Quote #490
<<00XXXX-XX>> My number of convict
--------------------------------------------------------
<<00XXXX-XX>> Mi número de presidario
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Quote #879
Talking about possibly being sick...
Genie: Is it actually hurting or are you just paranoid?
Patricia: Actually hurting.
Genie: I learned that a person who is always paranoid of these things is called a Hypochondriac.
Patricia: It makes me think of organelles. Mitochondria.
Genie: It makes me think of cartilege cells, chondrocytes.
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Quote #70
English teacher: "So in House of the Spirits, you have Miguel and Alba, Pedro and Blanca, Nicolas and Amanda...it's an orgy of forbidden love!"
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Quote #84
Student 1: And so obviously, there is a link between the "devil" in the book and that which appears in the Bible, although-
Student 2: Wait... the devil is in the Bible?
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Quote #170
IB, I'm Better.
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Quote #175
Javier: She's like, ADD in a can.
Steph: I'm concentrated ADD!
Javier, Mike: ...
Steph: Wait...
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Quote #221
Friday night I went out, got drunk, got home about 2 AM. Saturday morning I crawled out of bed and went to school to work on my EE. Thanks, IB!
Yours truly,
Fletch.
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Quote #430
Chemistry Teacher: (writes an equation on the board including around 2 tons of carbon)
Student 1: (Reads equation) That's a whole lot of carbon!!
Student 2: You're a whole lot of carbon!!
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