Browsing top quotations, sorted by votes.
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Teacher: "If you could do anything and be guaranteed not to fail, what would it be?"
Student: "Take my IB tests."
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Quote #2027
You know you're in IB when you can text faster on your calculator than your phone.
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Quote #1394
I wonder if there is an IB rehab program. If so i'm getting my reservation.
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Quote #1231
You know you're in IB when you procrastinate with other IBers, you wind up talking about school.
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Quote #1576
You know you're in IB when:
You brag about how you did the entire Frankenstein annotation in one day, instead of doing it when it was assigned.
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Quote #1722
An IB student says, "Guys, it's okay we don't sleep now. We'll be SO ready for college that we'll have the first two years of college work finished during the summer GOING INTO college... We can just sleep for those two years. I swear it all works out!..."
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Quote #1774
You Know You're in IB, When You Have An Extremely Hard Time Picking Between Your Cellphone And Your Graphing Calculator.
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Quote #1082
Desperate IB Student 1: Okay, we need to figure out a way to get rid of the chemistry teacher.
DIBS 2: My mom said she could get rid of him for me. But we'd need to get all the parents in the class to sign a petition.
DIBS 1: Or, you know, earlier today I was thinking of a plan. We could condition him to drink some strange juice every day, like Mr. Sangra's. And then one day, a poisonous chemical will accidentally be in his drink. And he'll be dead! =D
DIBS 3 & 4: ...
DIBS 1: I was kidding! Stop looking at me like I'm crazy.
DIBS 3: No, that's not it. I'm just trying to remember what Mr. Sangra's drink was like.
DIBS 4: I was trying to think what chemical we could use.
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Quote #2071
Ib student: wow. its creepy out here.
ib student #2: If i get kidnapped...can u hand in my math investigation?
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Quote #1939
A scientist needed a young pre-university research assistant to go with him to the Amazonian rainforest for an expedition, and had narrowed it down to two people.
"Now we need a research team; to see which of you I'm going to take, I want both of you to go off and find a team;I'll need a biologist and a chemist, to conduct research; a mathematician, to analyse the statistics involved; a Spanish speaker so we can find our way around, an Economist to evaluate to social impact of our findings; and someone proficient in English who can publish my work for me. Off you go!"
2 weeks later the two hopefuls return. One has his team of 6, all young, budding enthusiasts in their fields with excellent GCSEs and A levels in their specific areas.
"Excellent" The scientist comments, "Your team seems well suited." The other is just standing there by himself. The A leveller looks at him bemused, but is quietly smug - clearly he has failed to find anyone to help him. The scientist turns to him and says "I don't understand... I told you to go out and find a mathematician, an economist, a scientist, and a linguist?"
He replies "Exactly. I do the IB."
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Quote #1620
IB pickup line:
You're so hot you denatured my enzymes!
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Quote #832
(after IB History Essay)
Teacher: Do you think you did well on the essay?
Student: haha...I'm sure you'll think so..
teacher: what?
Student: Well, you see...the point of an essay to to write things that will make you think that i actually knew what you were talking about...when in fact I just used my superior bull shit skills that i got from IB english to make my essay sound convincing..
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Quote #1044
The key to a good IB History essay: SPERM
(S)ocial (P)olitical (E)conomic (R)eligious (M)ilitary
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Quote #850
"In IB, you learn to appreciate life more. It's like a near-death experience!"
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Quote #1577
You know you're in IB when:
You notice the fact that in the first heroic scene of Hancock, all the people are wearing blue, symbolic for the peace in his life.
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Quote #157
I'm so hot my enzymes denaturate.
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Quote #833
IB English Teacher: So, what do you think will happen at the end of this book?
IB student: I think everyone is going to die.
IB English Teacher: (surprised at answer) why do you say that?!
IB student: (matter of factly) Well, there's at least a 50% mortality rate in all of our books.
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Quote #970
IB Kid: I just met up with a bunch of my friends who graduated from IB last year that are home for Thanksgiving...and they all had nose piercings.
IB Kid 2: That's because while you're in IB, the craziest thing you ever do is copy your friend's math homework and fake data when you do a lab wrong.
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Quote #1121
There are two certainties in life. Death and taxes.
There are two certainties in IB. Insanity and homework.
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Quote #1103
IB Bio Teacher: Okay, since the highest grade on your last test was a 70, I'm doing something very out of character and letting you guys do test corrections.
IB Kids: Wow, that's really nice!! Are you doing that because you're in the Christmas spirit?
IB Bio Teacher: No, I'm doing it because I'm scared of you guys.
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Quote #454
You know you're in IB when you'd rather lose an arm then a math's portfolio
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Quote #700
Non IB: *sits next to IB whose on PC* Hey! How the crazy world of that really hard course...um...IB thingy... going?
IB: Yeah, pretty good, not dead yet.
Non IB: What are you looking at?
IB: Oh quotes put up by people doing my course. Here look!
5 minutes later
Non IB: What the &@*$ are you people on?
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Quote #925
Student 1 (Who recently got out of a relationship): You know what he said to me before? "I love you like a hydrogen loves an oxygen. They share the strongest bond."
Student 2: But remember what Hughes said? HYDROGEN BONDS ARE NOT REAL BONDS!
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Quote #840
IB Teacher: The people that are visiting our school this week to present information about the university have specified that they only want IB, AP, and Honors students to attend their presentation."
IB Student: In other words, "No peasants."
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Quote #1254
(IB Student comes homes after a long week is school, stumbling around and not speaking coherently)
IB Student's Mom: Have you been drinking or something?!
IB Student: Physics quiz.
IB Student's Mother: Ohhh, okay.
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Quote #1694
You know you're IB when you write a letter to the principal saying your chemistry class needs more pH meters so you can do your labs.
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Quote #1831
[Several IB students are lying on the grass in the park instead of going to school after their IB exams.]
Student 1: *starts laughing hysterically*
Students 2 and 3: ...are you okay?
Student 1: no... I'm in IB. *continues laughing*
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Quote #1142
Only in I.B. could you text someone at 1:30 in the morning and have them respond about the homework, and then proceed to finish the homework over the phone together
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Quote #1285
The recipe for IB success: insomnia, obsessive compulsive disorder, neurotic perfectionism, and anorexia.
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Quote #1222
Student in TOK class: Grr sometimes I wonder if IB was such a good idea in my educational career.
Teacher: Well you know the journey of learning has no end, and IB gives you a great head start in that.
Other student: So what we are really doing is sprinting the first 500 kilometers of a death march.
Teacher: *glares*
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Quote #625
Teacher draws a 'thought shower' (he actually did draw a shower head with streams of water coming from it leading to ideas) onto the board with one of the streams of water bent at a 45 degree angle.
Student 1: Sir, you know it is not possible for water to flow from a shower head at that sort of angle.
Student 2: Actually it is if you hold a positively charged rod next to the flow of water, as the polarity of the water molecules...(teacher interrupts)
Teacher: And when and why would you take a positively charged rod into the shower with you?
Student 1: (laughing) He can't help it sir, his rod is always positively charged in the shower.
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Quote #1367
IB, smart enough to get it, stupid enough to stay.
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Quote #119
Student: Hey, did you see this? In his soliloquoy Hamlet goes from starting words with T's to W's to T's again and it's almost like a heartbeat!
English teacher: That's the point where even English nerds will say, "You might be reading too much into this..."
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Quote #718
Non-IB student: [sees an IB student walking in the morning looking like a zombie] Wow. You look dead. You’re usually so hyperactive.
IB student: [after a night of studying Biology and no sleep] I’m running on a low blood sugar level. I need more glucagon to produce glucose for my blood. My body’s homeostasis isn’t functioning properly.
Non-IB student: O.o
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Quote #76
NO, I can't wake up yet, I don't have a conclusion.
(a thought I had just before waking up, didn't have a conclusion in whatever dream I was having).
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Quote #90
History Teacher: By the end of Exam Paper Three you will not be able to find your hand.
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Quote #1312
Seven, 7, VII used to be such a simple number, and now, the very idea sends chills down spines
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Quote #308
IB student: So yesterday was the worst day of my life.
Honors student: What? Oh my goodness! What happened, are you ok?
IB student: Oh yeah, when you are in IB the worst day in your life happens, like everday.
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Quote #377
After IB Physics is over, I will throw the textbook off a cliff and calculate the momentum when it hits the ground...
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Quote #2055
You know your in IB when the coolest rap you ever heard was written by a classmate and it was about DNA replication.
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Quote #409
IB Bio teacher: So in a few weeks, the cats will be delivered and we will be dissecting them.
Christian: omg! could you like, put a surprise into each cat?
Chris: Yeah! Like a lollipop or something?
IB Bio teacher: yeah! I'll sit in my classroom all day opening up cats and putting in little toys!
Half the class: REALLY?
IB Bio teacher: NO.
Class: *disappointment*
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Quote #512
In IB History Class while writing an in class essay......
*A student outside is screaming*
The class all looks toward the window
Ms. Zarcone looks up from her desk to say "Don't worry, it's an IB student"
*The class laughs*
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Quote #1941
Being an IB student is like being a kamikaze: They will tell you it's for some greater good, but the truth is you're on a mission to kill yourself.
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Quote #14
(In an argument over whether music is a language, being a system of symbols often used to convey messages, Jany argues that it isn't, and Mr. Oliver argues that it is.)
Mr. Oliver: There are many examples of music being used as a language, for example in Africa they use a drum that is stored the entire language of the people.
Jany: But that isn't music.
Mr. Oliver: How do you define music?
Jany: A system of sound that doesn't represent language.
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Quote #1862
Mohel: If anyone has one of the class-set literature books, you need to turn them in. We need to find all of them!
Student: Would I get CAS hours if I searched through people's lockers?
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Quote #1927
IB chemistry student: YOU BORON!
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Quote #620
(A group of IB students are outside and see a rainbow)
Student: Look! Refracted light!
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Quote #1463
A Facebook Chat Conversation of Slumdog Millionaire:
Alex: "...and so Jamal knows the answers because of his past experiences; it's just fate."
Nicole: "I wish I had that luck with IB exams..."
{{somehow we always drift back to IB}}
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Quote #134
Student 1: Don't tell me the ending!
Student 2: To what?
Student 3: World War One!!!
-IB History students
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Quote #493
(Day that a math's portfolio was due)
IB Student 1: So, how many of hours of sleep did you get last night?
IB Student 2: I haven't slept in two weeks.
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