Browsing top quotations, sorted by votes.< 1 2 3 4 5 > Last ›
Finishing IB is like coming home from war. You have been away for two years fighting battles, being ambushed by prep, preparing plans to destroy a history essay at dawn the next moring...
But then you go home and the world has changed, people have changed and you feel almost out of place...
It is fun because you know you came out of it alive, but ultimately the end of IB is a huge anti-climax....
your body is used to all the stress taken in 2 years and suddenly it is all gone...what to do?
Vote: 902 | Permalink
IB Student to Non-IB Student: You don't understand! I HAVE to skip school tomorrow so I can finish my homework and study for Bio. I have no choice, it's either skipping or failing two classes
Vote: 886 | Permalink
(IB Coordinator has just had a baby, and brought her to school).
Student 1: (to baby) Are you going to be in IB when you're all grown up?
IB Coordinator: Say, 'Dear God, no.'
Vote: 871 | Permalink
You know your in IB when you and another IB student have a debate that culminates in "Hitler was really not that bad of a leader..."
Vote: 854 | Permalink
Ib student: wow. its creepy out here.
ib student #2: If i get kidnapped...can u hand in my math investigation?
Vote: 845 | Permalink
Do i get creativity hours, for thinking of new IB quotes?
Vote: 834 | Permalink
Chemistry Teacher: You guys will start the group 4 project next week. You will learn how to socialize with others and have fun.
Vote: 812 | Permalink
Fred: It's okay Charlie, true love will break your heart.
Charlie: Who cares about my heart, that bitch broke my study plan!
Vote: 805 | Permalink
What we don't realize is, this is all just a huge scientific study to find out how much stress kids can be put under before they haul off and kill themselves. The idea is that they give students amounts of work that are impossible to achieve, and periodically add more and more work during times when key projects are due. I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of it. I quit.
- Student to entire class
Vote: 796 | Permalink
(IB Student's Mom is looking at his progress report)
Mom: You have a D in English!
Student: Yeah, I know. It's okay.
Mom: It is?!
Student: Yeah, everyone else has a D too.
Vote: 791 | Permalink
While writing her long english final a student shouted,
"Ms. Mohel I can't do this anymore. It's like I'm giving birth to an essay."
To which the teacher replied,
"Its okay, sweetie. Just push a little harder."
Vote: 771 | Permalink
The fact that we have a website dedicated to supposedly funny yet brilliant and sometimes obvious quotes, all in honor of IB, basically proves the point of IB; there isn't one.
Vote: 766 | Permalink
You know you're in IB when it physically hurts you when people forget to "safely remove" their hardware.
Vote: 746 | Permalink
Only in IB is the threat:
"I'll smash your graphing calculator!"
More effective than a gun to th head.
Vote: 746 | Permalink
IB Kid 1: At my old school, there were three IB programmes, starting at age 5.
IB Kid 2: THAT...IS...CHILD ABUSE.
Vote: 740 | Permalink
A scientist needed a young pre-university research assistant to go with him to the Amazonian rainforest for an expedition, and had narrowed it down to two people.
"Now we need a research team; to see which of you I'm going to take, I want both of you to go off and find a team;I'll need a biologist and a chemist, to conduct research; a mathematician, to analyse the statistics involved; a Spanish speaker so we can find our way around, an Economist to evaluate to social impact of our findings; and someone proficient in English who can publish my work for me. Off you go!"
2 weeks later the two hopefuls return. One has his team of 6, all young, budding enthusiasts in their fields with excellent GCSEs and A levels in their specific areas.
"Excellent" The scientist comments, "Your team seems well suited." The other is just standing there by himself. The A leveller looks at him bemused, but is quietly smug - clearly he has failed to find anyone to help him. The scientist turns to him and says "I don't understand... I told you to go out and find a mathematician, an economist, a scientist, and a linguist?"
He replies "Exactly. I do the IB."
Vote: 737 | Permalink
Our Math Studies teacher told us that one time he caught his 5 year old daughter saying "To infinity and beyond!" (Toy Story). He then sat her down and took 1/2 hour to explain how that was impossible, since infinity is a concept.
Vote: 734 | Permalink
Student 1: Hey! I've got a brilliant EE topic!
Student 2: Ah-uhm...
Student 1: It will be: Oedipus, the original motherfucker...
Student 2: ...
Vote: 731 | Permalink
IB student: I had a dream the other night that I came to school without pants. Then the next day I came to school missing an arm. The third day I came to school without my homework and my dad came in and woke me up because I was screaming so loudly.
Vote: 729 | Permalink
You know you have no life when you get an adrenaline rush from playing a grammar game in IB French.
Vote: 728 | Permalink
IB English student: *Looking at a coke bottle* It's amazing what paradoxes exist in this soft drink container. It appears phallic in shape, thereby appealing to a consumer's primal desire for unmasked masculinity, yet its function as a receptacle allows us to construe it as a uterine symbol, belying our innate fascination with the feminine form.
Non IB English student: Dude, I just buy it 'cos of the hot chicks in those TV ads.
Vote: 727 | Permalink
IB Teacher: Today we're going to do a creative writing piece, since you rarely get a chance to do that in IB. Find a memory in your childhood and write about it as a child narrator.
IB Student: Do we need a thesis statement?
Vote: 726 | Permalink
IB kids are basically super human. We can run on as little as one meal and four hours of sleep a day for a duration of two weeks.
Vote: 717 | Permalink
Soccer coach writes |V| on the board.
Normal players: oh yay! 1 on 1!
IB players: what's absolute value of v?
Vote: 717 | Permalink
IB, therefore I BS.
Vote: 711 | Permalink
Only in IB:
Hey, we should all meet up at the library over spring break!
Vote: 710 | Permalink
IB taught me that every time I learn something new I forget something else.
I realized this when the hardest part of a noncalculator SL Math test wasn't finding a derivative or a limit, but adding two numbers without my calculator.
Vote: 706 | Permalink
Patricia: Say something sweet and corny. <3<3
Nate: I don't know.
Patricia: Come on!
Nate: Whatâs your sine? It must be pi/2 because youâre the 1.
Patricia: ...Oh God.
Vote: 705 | Permalink
Found this on my Facebook wall:
"I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WITH THE HISTORY STUDYING OMG. Last night I studied so much that I dreamed I was married to Stalin but then he killed me in the gulag!!!"
Vote: 704 | Permalink
History teacher: "By the end of IB, you're going to know Stalin better than your own grandfather!"
Vote: 702 | Permalink
Remember the good old days before IB when you could sleep in class and still get A's? Well now even in my dreams I fail.
Vote: 694 | Permalink
Rising IB junior: So, can you give me any advice about IB English?
IB Senior: When in doubt, the answer is 'sexual repression'.
Vote: 692 | Permalink
In IB, there comes a time where you go to your parents to ask for help in a given subject
They take one look at it
"How would you like to get a tutor?"
Vote: 688 | Permalink
History teacher wrote a confusing Russian name to the board that contained lot of xywz-letters.
Student: What kind of name is that?
Teacher: I didn't know how to spell it, so I made it up
Class: *erases the name away from the notebook*
Teacher: Do you believe everything I write on the blackboard?
Vote: 679 | Permalink
Only in IB are your friends jealous because your mom's a math teacher and can re-teach calculus at home.
Vote: 675 | Permalink
Teacher: A catalyst is something that speeds up a chemical reaction, but it's not involved in the reaction itself.
Student: Um.. can you give us a real life example?
Teacher: Sure, I tell my son to clean up his room, he says no, I ask him nicely, he still says no, so then, I take out my belt and and ask him again, he runs up to clean it.
Teacher: See, the belt it not never touched him, but it speeds up the reaction.
Vote: 671 | Permalink
The advantages of having an IB friend.
1) You feel good about your life.
2) When procrastinating and working at 3am, you know a friend shares the same pain.
Vote: 669 | Permalink
Matt (IB): Yeah, I went to school today, got a shitload of homework, and now I'm home working on five pages of math, two chem assignments, and 16 pages of random english. And I'm sick. With a fever.
Laura(Honors): Why the heck did you go to school if you were sick?
Matt: Homework comes before health. You fucking die and go to IB hell otherwise.
Vote: 656 | Permalink
Student 1: ...and she's just so so...slutty. AND DUMB.
Student 2: I know! Why is she even in IB??
Student 3: haha probably to calculate her "profits" correctly for her services! haha.
Student 1: haha or maybe to figure good slope angles for you know what!
Student 4: Maybe to discover new curves and angles for her slopes!
*we stop and look at one another with horrified faces*
Student 3: guys. we just laughed at a joke containg algebra in it.
Student 1: crap. were officially IB kids now.
Vote: 656 | Permalink
You know your in IB when the coolest rap you ever heard was written by a classmate and it was about DNA replication.
Vote: 643 | Permalink
Person 1: Damn you! You're so not art.
Person 2: Is that supposed to be an insult?
Person 1: Of course. You're not art, which means you're not beautiful, you can't be interpreted, and that you weren't created by intent.
Vote: 633 | Permalink
You know you're in IB when you can text faster on your calculator than your phone.
Vote: 619 | Permalink
Non IB-student: Awesome party! I thought you guys would just say things like "the square root of 21 is..."
IB-student: Haha, no!
IB-student: But there is no square root of 21...
Vote: 618 | Permalink
(Non-IB Kids are passing by the window of the chemistry lab while they go off to a pep rally. The IB kids inside are taking a quiz and are therefore not going to the pep rally).
Non-IB Kid: Haha, IB kids!!
Chemistry teacher: They'll be your boss one day!
Vote: 615 | Permalink
Student #1: I actually got a decent amount of sleep last night.
Student #2: Really?
Student #1: Yeah. 5 hours.
Student #3: I was surfing google, because I was bored...but did you know that people our age are apparently supposed to be getting 9 hours of sleep?
Student #1: Who the hell gets nine hours of sleep?
Vote: 614 | Permalink
TOK - The day the world became pointless.
Vote: 599 | Permalink
When God wanted to show himself to the world, he wrote "YHWH".
Then came Satan, he wrote "IB"
Vote: 593 | Permalink
How to bullshit an English Commentary:
1.) Find 2 themes that always work in every story. Reality VS Perception is a good one. Discovering Identity usually works for everything. If you give up, try sexual connotations.
2.) Find images that support it. The chair represents the isolation, which supports discovering identity. The book is an illusion because we can't see what's inside it, representing how life is covered up in mysteries. Include more as necessary.
3.) Find sounds, structure, or do anything. The indent in the paragraphs represent separation, supporting identity discovery as the narrator attempts to separate himself from the norm. The use of commas represent the pauses endured by the narrator, giving time to think, which represents reality of situations VS perceiving them. The "s" sound is a serpent. Say whatever you want with it.
4.) Anything that doesn't fit with the above is "contrast". Contrast is always used to support ideas, which are all the bullshit themes you came up with.
5.) Present everything you found in order. See, it's just like a physics lab!
Vote: 591 | Permalink
IB Male Student: Would you like to get creative with me? (winks suggestively)
IB Female Student: No thanks, I'd rather not do you that service.
IB Male Student (disappointed): Awww, you won't give me any action? At all?
IB Female Student: Trust me, I already have enough hours!
Vote: 570 | Permalink
Non-IB student: You're in IB?
IB Student: Yeah.
Non-IB Student: Do you ever have nervous breakdowns involving all-night study sessions ending in screaming Latin phrases and offering to sell your soul to Satan if he'll put you out of this misery?
IB Student: ...just the once.
Vote: 552 | Permalink< 1 2 3 4 5 > Last ›