Browsing top quotations, sorted by votes.
‹ First < 1 2 3 4 5 > Last ›Quote #100
Student (to teacher): Why are you so late?
English Teacher: Why are you so ugly?
Vote:
48
|
Permalink
Quote #454
You know you're in IB when you'd rather lose an arm then a math's portfolio
Vote:
48
|
Permalink
Quote #508
In a HL maths class:
Student 1: 8 divide 2 is...16!
Student 2: haha! you're an idiot, why are you doing HL maths?
5 minutes later:
Student 2: what's one to the power of five?
Vote:
48
|
Permalink
Quote #564
Non-IB student: "So, how's your social life?"
IB student: "Hold on, how do you spell that? S-o-c-i-a-l. What's that?"
Non-IB student: "You know, you hang out with friends...do fun stuff...."
IB student: "Wow that sounds amazing! What class did you learn that in?"
Vote:
48
|
Permalink
Quote #873
Whenever you have no work one day in the IB you know that there must be something terribly wrong with your agenda.
Vote:
48
|
Permalink
Quote #161
The only thing holding us down is our backpacks!
Vote:
47
|
Permalink
Quote #752
Party.
Non IB-student: Awesome party! I thought you guys would just say things like "the square root of 21 is..."
IB-student: Haha, no!
Silence.
IB-student: But there is no square root of 21...
Vote:
47
|
Permalink
Quote #119
Student: Hey, did you see this? In his soliloquoy Hamlet goes from starting words with T's to W's to T's again and it's almost like a heartbeat!
English teacher: That's the point where even English nerds will say, "You might be reading too much into this..."
Vote:
46
|
Permalink
Quote #585
Standard teacher walks into IB Classroom to talk to IB teacher.
Standard teacher: Man, these kids look tired.
IB Teacher: Seeing a well-rested IB student is like seeing a unicorn.
Vote:
46
|
Permalink
Quote #19
Mr. Oliver: I want everyone to give me an example of when you know a fact is true, but don't believe it.
Jany: I know I'm smart, but I don't believe it.
Vote:
45
|
Permalink
Quote #76
NO, I can't wake up yet, I don't have a conclusion.
(a thought I had just before waking up, didn't have a conclusion in whatever dream I was having).
Vote:
45
|
Permalink
Quote #89
Chem HL Teacher: Any demonstration where the teacher may die is a good one.
Vote:
45
|
Permalink
Quote #960
IB student: I had a dream the other night that I came to school without pants. Then the next day I came to school missing an arm. The third day I came to school without my homework and my dad came in and woke me up because I was screaming so loudly.
Vote:
45
|
Permalink
Quote #428
Student gets up to leave halfway through a lesson.
Teacher: Where are you going?
Student: Slowly insane.
Vote:
44
|
Permalink
Quote #920
Student #1: I actually got a decent amount of sleep last night.
Student #2: Really?
Student #1: Yeah. 5 hours.
Student #3: I was surfing google, because I was bored...but did you know that people our age are apparently supposed to be getting 9 hours of sleep?
Student #1: Who the hell gets nine hours of sleep?
Vote:
44
|
Permalink
Quote #308
IB student: So yesterday was the worst day of my life.
Honors student: What? Oh my goodness! What happened, are you ok?
IB student: Oh yeah, when you are in IB the worst day in your life happens, like everday.
Vote:
43
|
Permalink
Quote #448
An IB student's AIM away message:
"You know what this feels like? It's like it's September 1939 and I'm Britain and he's Germany. I'm SO done with appeasement here."
Vote:
43
|
Permalink
Quote #474
Life is like a box of HL IB Chemistry. You never know what you're gonna get, but it'll probably suck.
Vote:
43
|
Permalink
Quote #1004
Fred: It's okay Charlie, true love will break your heart.
Charlie: Who cares about my heart, that bitch broke my study plan!
Vote:
43
|
Permalink
Quote #134
Student 1: Don't tell me the ending!
Student 2: To what?
Student 3: World War One!!!
-IB History students
Vote:
42
|
Permalink
Quote #147
Student 1: Your mother is so fat that the only thing attractive about her is her gravity.
Student 2: Your mother is so fat, that she collapsed her own dimension
Student 1: Oh yeah, well your mother is so fat that she has the chance of reaching the speed of light
Student 2: Heh, well your mother is so fat that her Heisenberg uncertainty is zero.
Student 3: Don't mind me, I'm just passing by.
Vote:
42
|
Permalink
Quote #332
How to bullshit an English Commentary:
1.) Find 2 themes that always work in every story. Reality VS Perception is a good one. Discovering Identity usually works for everything. If you give up, try sexual connotations.
2.) Find images that support it. The chair represents the isolation, which supports discovering identity. The book is an illusion because we can't see what's inside it, representing how life is covered up in mysteries. Include more as necessary.
3.) Find sounds, structure, or do anything. The indent in the paragraphs represent separation, supporting identity discovery as the narrator attempts to separate himself from the norm. The use of commas represent the pauses endured by the narrator, giving time to think, which represents reality of situations VS perceiving them. The "s" sound is a serpent. Say whatever you want with it.
4.) Anything that doesn't fit with the above is "contrast". Contrast is always used to support ideas, which are all the bullshit themes you came up with.
5.) Present everything you found in order. See, it's just like a physics lab!
Vote:
42
|
Permalink
Quote #492
IB Student 1: Is light a particle or a wave?
IB Student 2: Yes!
Non-IB Student: Haha you idiot! You can't even answer a "this or that" question properly.
All IB Students: There's so much irony it hurts.
Vote:
42
|
Permalink
Quote #493
(Day that a math's portfolio was due)
IB Student 1: So, how many of hours of sleep did you get last night?
IB Student 2: I haven't slept in two weeks.
Vote:
42
|
Permalink
Quote #548
Teacher: Come hither!
Student: I'm hithering!
Vote:
42
|
Permalink
Quote #906
IB Student 1: Man, I don't even care anymore; IB's never going to benefit us in the real world.
IB Student 2: Yesterday IB benefited me in a real life situation.
IB Student 1: Really?
IB Student 2: Yeah, I spilled some tea, and it landed on my EE folder and not my carpet.
Vote:
42
|
Permalink
Quote #172
During a TOK discussion
Student 1: I believe that opinions don't matter.
Student 2: So what you just said doesn't matter?
Vote:
41
|
Permalink
Quote #314
An angry student: WOW, if I graphed out my hate for that teacher, in relation to time, it would have an increasing slope.
Or EVEN a curve!
Vote:
41
|
Permalink
Quote #453
French Teacher when we couldnt work out what to write in a paragraph about kidnapping:
French Teacher: You can say how small children are easier to kidnap because they fit in bags!
*silence in the classroom*
Vote:
41
|
Permalink
Quote #523
Ordinary school student : If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands...
IB school student : If you're happy and you know it then you've gone crazy!
Vote:
41
|
Permalink
Quote #1005
Most teenagers nightmares consist of getting eaten or dieing.
In IB the most common nightmare consists of forgetting your notebook, Shortened due dates, corrupted essay files and leaving your assignments on the dining table on the due date.
Vote:
41
|
Permalink
Quote #90
History Teacher: By the end of Exam Paper Three you will not be able to find your hand.
Vote:
40
|
Permalink
Quote #479
Teacher: No, we won't be getting into our math groups today. Carter's talking out of turn.
Carter: Life is all about second chances.
Teacher: Not in IB it's not.
Vote:
40
|
Permalink
Quote #1078
*sung to the tune of the 12 days of christmas*
On the first day of IB my teachers gave to me ...
12 examinations
11 long equations
10 mental breakdowns
9 questions begging
8 textbooks slamming
7 days of working
6 broken pencils
5 PAPER 3s!
4 thousand words
3 hours sleep
2 broken wrists
AND A LOUSY MARK THAT KILLED ME!!!
Vote:
40
|
Permalink
Quote #495
Chemistry Teacher: ...then we will have to add HCl
Jason: What's HCl again?
James: It's Highly Concentrated Liquid, dumbass!
Jason: Ooh, ok....*writes down*
Vote:
39
|
Permalink
Quote #1009
*water polo practice at an IB High School*
IB Frosh: So what's TOK like?
IB Senior: Well you assume were in a pool now, right?
IB Frosh: Sure.
IB Senior: Well can you prove we are?
IB Frosh: ...uh??
Vote:
39
|
Permalink
Quote #114
Movie in French....
Guy on screen: We were married in December 1939...... We first made love
in May 1939.
Naive IB student: Wait, did he just say that was BEFORE they were
married?
Equally naive IB student: Yeah, that doesn't make sense.
Vote:
38
|
Permalink
Quote #292
IB Physics pick-up line: Are you infrared? Because girl, you're giving off heat!
Vote:
38
|
Permalink
Quote #473
After starting IB whenever you talk about something out of school it still somehow relates back to IB...
Vote:
38
|
Permalink
Quote #900
Email from an IB teacher:
"Hi all,
I have had a couple of emails and conversations regarding progress on your EE.
Those of you that have sent me the outline - well done.
Those of you that have had a conversation, fine - but I still need the written outline.
Those of you that have done neither will, of course, burn in hell."
Vote:
38
|
Permalink
Quote #254
Chem HL Student: Got some delta-9-tetra hydrocannabinol?
Guy 1: (raises his eyebrows) wtf???
Other Chem HL guy: (closes his eyes)... Oh give him what you're smoking...
Guy 1: It's called hashish you idiot.
Vote:
37
|
Permalink
Quote #312
IB Coordinator: After you finish your Extended Essay, you will have put about 40 hours of work into it.
Student: Do we get CAS hours?
Vote:
37
|
Permalink
Quote #844
IB Chemistry Teacher on the first day of class:
"Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid students"
Vote:
37
|
Permalink
Quote #957
Isn't it funny how in the real world 50 hours community servie is a punishment while in IB its a requirement?
Vote:
37
|
Permalink
Quote #411
If the forward to a book went something like this:
"This book means absolutely nothing and does not intentionally contain any underlying meanings. Any symbolism, imagery, figurative language, etc. is purely coincidental."
IB English teachers would expect an analysis essay over it from their students.
Vote:
36
|
Permalink
Quote #1065
Charlie (crying hysterically): I HATE IB! IT'S KILLING ME! I SWEAR TO GOD, I AM GOING TO TALK TO OUR COORDINATOR TOMORROW AND DROP OUT!
Maya: No you won't.
Charlie: You're right, I won't.
Vote:
36
|
Permalink
Quote #302
Teacher to Students: Stop the violence or I'll hit you!
Vote:
35
|
Permalink
Quote #463
Quote on an IB teacher's webpage:
All's fair in love and finals.
Vote:
35
|
Permalink
Quote #681
IB a nerd today,
IB your boss tomorrow...
Vote:
35
|
Permalink
Quote #832
(after IB History Essay)
Teacher: Do you think you did well on the essay?
Student: haha...I'm sure you'll think so..
teacher: what?
Student: Well, you see...the point of an essay to to write things that will make you think that i actually knew what you were talking about...when in fact I just used my superior bull shit skills that i got from IB english to make my essay sound convincing..
Vote:
35
|
Permalink