Browsing top quotations, sorted by votes.

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Quote #2058

Finishing IB is like coming home from war. You have been away for two years fighting battles, being ambushed by prep, preparing plans to destroy a history essay at dawn the next moring...
But then you go home and the world has changed, people have changed and you feel almost out of place...
It is fun because you know you came out of it alive, but ultimately the end of IB is a huge anti-climax....
your body is used to all the stress taken in 2 years and suddenly it is all gone...what to do?

Vote: Yay! 902 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1486

IB Student to Non-IB Student: You don't understand! I HAVE to skip school tomorrow so I can finish my homework and study for Bio. I have no choice, it's either skipping or failing two classes

Vote: Yay! 886 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #323

(IB Coordinator has just had a baby, and brought her to school).

Student 1: (to baby) Are you going to be in IB when you're all grown up?
IB Coordinator: Say, 'Dear God, no.'

Vote: Yay! 871 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1823

You know your in IB when you and another IB student have a debate that culminates in "Hitler was really not that bad of a leader..."

Vote: Yay! 854 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #2071

Ib student: wow. its creepy out here.

ib student #2: If i get kidnapped...can u hand in my math investigation?

Vote: Yay! 845 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1035

Do i get creativity hours, for thinking of new IB quotes?

Vote: Yay! 834 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #57

Chemistry Teacher: You guys will start the group 4 project next week. You will learn how to socialize with others and have fun.

Vote: Yay! 812 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1004

Fred: It's okay Charlie, true love will break your heart.

Charlie: Who cares about my heart, that bitch broke my study plan!

Vote: Yay! 805 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #87

What we don't realize is, this is all just a huge scientific study to find out how much stress kids can be put under before they haul off and kill themselves. The idea is that they give students amounts of work that are impossible to achieve, and periodically add more and more work during times when key projects are due. I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of it. I quit.
- Student to entire class

Vote: Yay! 796 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #305

(IB Student's Mom is looking at his progress report)

Mom: You have a D in English!
Student: Yeah, I know. It's okay.
Mom: It is?!
Student: Yeah, everyone else has a D too.

Vote: Yay! 791 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1090

While writing her long english final a student shouted,

"Ms. Mohel I can't do this anymore. It's like I'm giving birth to an essay."

To which the teacher replied,

"Its okay, sweetie. Just push a little harder."

Vote: Yay! 771 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #526

The fact that we have a website dedicated to supposedly funny yet brilliant and sometimes obvious quotes, all in honor of IB, basically proves the point of IB; there isn't one.

Vote: Yay! 766 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1861

You know you're in IB when it physically hurts you when people forget to "safely remove" their hardware.

Vote: Yay! 746 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1954

Only in IB is the threat:
"I'll smash your graphing calculator!"
More effective than a gun to th head.

Vote: Yay! 746 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1673

IB Kid 1: At my old school, there were three IB programmes, starting at age 5.
IB Kid 2: THAT...IS...CHILD ABUSE.

Vote: Yay! 740 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1939

A scientist needed a young pre-university research assistant to go with him to the Amazonian rainforest for an expedition, and had narrowed it down to two people.

"Now we need a research team; to see which of you I'm going to take, I want both of you to go off and find a team;I'll need a biologist and a chemist, to conduct research; a mathematician, to analyse the statistics involved; a Spanish speaker so we can find our way around, an Economist to evaluate to social impact of our findings; and someone proficient in English who can publish my work for me. Off you go!"

2 weeks later the two hopefuls return. One has his team of 6, all young, budding enthusiasts in their fields with excellent GCSEs and A levels in their specific areas.

"Excellent" The scientist comments, "Your team seems well suited." The other is just standing there by himself. The A leveller looks at him bemused, but is quietly smug - clearly he has failed to find anyone to help him. The scientist turns to him and says "I don't understand... I told you to go out and find a mathematician, an economist, a scientist, and a linguist?"
He replies "Exactly. I do the IB."

Vote: Yay! 737 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1756

Our Math Studies teacher told us that one time he caught his 5 year old daughter saying "To infinity and beyond!" (Toy Story). He then sat her down and took 1/2 hour to explain how that was impossible, since infinity is a concept.

Vote: Yay! 734 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #112

Student 1: Hey! I've got a brilliant EE topic!
Student 2: Ah-uhm...
Student 1: It will be: Oedipus, the original motherfucker...
Student 2: ...

Vote: Yay! 731 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #960

IB student: I had a dream the other night that I came to school without pants. Then the next day I came to school missing an arm. The third day I came to school without my homework and my dad came in and woke me up because I was screaming so loudly.

Vote: Yay! 729 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1807

You know you have no life when you get an adrenaline rush from playing a grammar game in IB French.

Vote: Yay! 728 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #222

IB English student: *Looking at a coke bottle* It's amazing what paradoxes exist in this soft drink container. It appears phallic in shape, thereby appealing to a consumer's primal desire for unmasked masculinity, yet its function as a receptacle allows us to construe it as a uterine symbol, belying our innate fascination with the feminine form.

Non IB English student: Dude, I just buy it 'cos of the hot chicks in those TV ads.

Vote: Yay! 727 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1693

IB Teacher: Today we're going to do a creative writing piece, since you rarely get a chance to do that in IB. Find a memory in your childhood and write about it as a child narrator.
IB Student: Do we need a thesis statement?

Vote: Yay! 726 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #129

IB kids are basically super human. We can run on as little as one meal and four hours of sleep a day for a duration of two weeks.

Vote: Yay! 717 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1140

Soccer coach writes |V| on the board.

Normal players: oh yay! 1 on 1!

IB players: what's absolute value of v?

Vote: Yay! 717 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #96

IB, therefore I BS.

Vote: Yay! 711 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1629

Only in IB:
Hey, we should all meet up at the library over spring break!

Vote: Yay! 710 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1098

IB taught me that every time I learn something new I forget something else.

I realized this when the hardest part of a noncalculator SL Math test wasn't finding a derivative or a limit, but adding two numbers without my calculator.

Vote: Yay! 706 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1368

Patricia: Say something sweet and corny. <3<3
Nate: I don't know.
Patricia: Come on!
Nate: What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the 1.
Patricia: ...Oh God.

Vote: Yay! 705 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #450

Found this on my Facebook wall:

"I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WITH THE HISTORY STUDYING OMG. Last night I studied so much that I dreamed I was married to Stalin but then he killed me in the gulag!!!"

Vote: Yay! 704 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #206

History teacher: "By the end of IB, you're going to know Stalin better than your own grandfather!"

Vote: Yay! 702 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1344

Remember the good old days before IB when you could sleep in class and still get A's? Well now even in my dreams I fail.

SMT kid

Vote: Yay! 694 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #327

Rising IB junior: So, can you give me any advice about IB English?
IB Senior: When in doubt, the answer is 'sexual repression'.

Vote: Yay! 692 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1444

In IB, there comes a time where you go to your parents to ask for help in a given subject
They take one look at it
and say
"How would you like to get a tutor?"

Vote: Yay! 688 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #82

History teacher wrote a confusing Russian name to the board that contained lot of xywz-letters.

Student: What kind of name is that?

Teacher: I didn't know how to spell it, so I made it up

Class: *erases the name away from the notebook*

Teacher: Do you believe everything I write on the blackboard?

Class: YES

Teacher: Seriously?

Vote: Yay! 679 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1250

Only in IB are your friends jealous because your mom's a math teacher and can re-teach calculus at home.

Vote: Yay! 675 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #53

Teacher: A catalyst is something that speeds up a chemical reaction, but it's not involved in the reaction itself.

Student: Um.. can you give us a real life example?

Teacher: Sure, I tell my son to clean up his room, he says no, I ask him nicely, he still says no, so then, I take out my belt and and ask him again, he runs up to clean it.

Student: O.o

Teacher: See, the belt it not never touched him, but it speeds up the reaction.

Vote: Yay! 671 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1750

The advantages of having an IB friend.

1) You feel good about your life.

2) When procrastinating and working at 3am, you know a friend shares the same pain.

Vote: Yay! 669 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #286

Matt (IB): Yeah, I went to school today, got a shitload of homework, and now I'm home working on five pages of math, two chem assignments, and 16 pages of random english. And I'm sick. With a fever.

Laura(Honors): Why the heck did you go to school if you were sick?

Matt: Homework comes before health. You fucking die and go to IB hell otherwise.

Vote: Yay! 656 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1092

Student 1: ...and she's just so so...slutty. AND DUMB.
Student 2: I know! Why is she even in IB??
Student 3: haha probably to calculate her "profits" correctly for her services! haha.
Student 1: haha or maybe to figure good slope angles for you know what!
Student 4: Maybe to discover new curves and angles for her slopes!
All: HAHAHAHA!
*we stop and look at one another with horrified faces*
Student 3: guys. we just laughed at a joke containg algebra in it.
Student 1: crap. were officially IB kids now.

Vote: Yay! 656 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #2055

You know your in IB when the coolest rap you ever heard was written by a classmate and it was about DNA replication.

Vote: Yay! 643 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #37

Person 1: Damn you! You're so not art.

Person 2: Is that supposed to be an insult?

Person 1: Of course. You're not art, which means you're not beautiful, you can't be interpreted, and that you weren't created by intent.

Vote: Yay! 633 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #2027

You know you're in IB when you can text faster on your calculator than your phone.

Vote: Yay! 619 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #752

Party.
Non IB-student: Awesome party! I thought you guys would just say things like "the square root of 21 is..."
IB-student: Haha, no!
Silence.
IB-student: But there is no square root of 21...

Vote: Yay! 618 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #279

(Non-IB Kids are passing by the window of the chemistry lab while they go off to a pep rally. The IB kids inside are taking a quiz and are therefore not going to the pep rally).

Non-IB Kid: Haha, IB kids!!
Chemistry teacher: They'll be your boss one day!

Vote: Yay! 615 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #920

Student #1: I actually got a decent amount of sleep last night.
Student #2: Really?
Student #1: Yeah. 5 hours.
Student #3: I was surfing google, because I was bored...but did you know that people our age are apparently supposed to be getting 9 hours of sleep?
Student #1: Who the hell gets nine hours of sleep?

Vote: Yay! 614 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1679

TOK - The day the world became pointless.

Vote: Yay! 599 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1733

When God wanted to show himself to the world, he wrote "YHWH".

Then came Satan, he wrote "IB"

Vote: Yay! 593 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #332

How to bullshit an English Commentary:

1.) Find 2 themes that always work in every story. Reality VS Perception is a good one. Discovering Identity usually works for everything. If you give up, try sexual connotations.

2.) Find images that support it. The chair represents the isolation, which supports discovering identity. The book is an illusion because we can't see what's inside it, representing how life is covered up in mysteries. Include more as necessary.

3.) Find sounds, structure, or do anything. The indent in the paragraphs represent separation, supporting identity discovery as the narrator attempts to separate himself from the norm. The use of commas represent the pauses endured by the narrator, giving time to think, which represents reality of situations VS perceiving them. The "s" sound is a serpent. Say whatever you want with it.

4.) Anything that doesn't fit with the above is "contrast". Contrast is always used to support ideas, which are all the bullshit themes you came up with.

5.) Present everything you found in order. See, it's just like a physics lab!

Vote: Yay! 591 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1182

IB Male Student: Would you like to get creative with me? (winks suggestively)
IB Female Student: No thanks, I'd rather not do you that service.
IB Male Student (disappointed): Awww, you won't give me any action? At all?
IB Female Student: Trust me, I already have enough hours!

Vote: Yay! 570 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #462

Non-IB student: You're in IB?
IB Student: Yeah.
Non-IB Student: Do you ever have nervous breakdowns involving all-night study sessions ending in screaming Latin phrases and offering to sell your soul to Satan if he'll put you out of this misery?
IB Student: ...just the once.

Vote: Yay! 552 Nay! | Permalink

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