Browsing top quotations, sorted by votes.
1 2 3 > Last ›Quote #165
Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated. It hurts like hell and you produce crap very slowly.
Vote:
185
|
Permalink
Quote #383
teacher to students: now write your name on this notecard.
Student 1: OK
Student 2: This is easy!
IB Teacher to IB students: now write your name on this notecard
IB Student 1: how big?
IB Student 2: which corner?
IB Student 3: cursive or print?
IB Student 4: do we need to put our whole middle name or just our middle initial?
IB Student 5: What if we don't have a middle name?
IB Student 6: Is pencil okay?
IB Student 7: Do you want it on the side with lines or the blank side?
and we are wondering why IB is so hard
Vote:
131
|
Permalink
Quote #145
The day I ditched school for homework.
Vote:
110
|
Permalink
Quote #71
Coordinator: Hey Guys! There's a Blood Donation session tomorrow, I hope you can make it!
Student: Do we get CAS hours??
Vote:
105
|
Permalink
Quote #146
Student: Hey I came up with a joke! Want to hear it?
Physics teacher: Okay sure
Student: Okay, what happens when you get stabbed by 1 over T?
Physics teacher: You calculate the frequency of how much you get stabbed?
Student: No, it "hertz".
*class laughs*
Physics teacher: Hey you guys do you want to hear another joke?
Class: Sure!
Physics teacher: I just marked your quizzes.
Vote:
93
|
Permalink
Quote #127
When an IB Coordinator says "Jump!" an IB freshmen asks "How high?"
Two years later the IB Coordinator says "Jump!" and the IB Junior asks "Where's the nearest cliff?"
Vote:
90
|
Permalink
Quote #116
From a website:
Procrastination is like masturbation.
It's a lot of fun until you realize you've just fucked yourself.
Vote:
83
|
Permalink
Quote #131
We you're in IB the phrase "I got five hours of action last night" means something completely different.
Vote:
81
|
Permalink
Quote #58
ToK in a Nutshell:
The Question: How do we know?
The Answer:We don't.
Vote:
78
|
Permalink
Quote #255
When asked to comment on the IB a student replied: "I'd commit suicide but I don't have the time."
Vote:
74
|
Permalink
Quote #330
I used to have a life. Then I started cheating on it with IB, and me and life got a divorce.
Vote:
74
|
Permalink
Quote #323
(IB Coordinator has just had a baby, and brought her to school).
Student 1: (to baby) Are you going to be in IB when you're all grown up?
IB Coordinator: Say, 'Dear God, no.'
Vote:
74
|
Permalink
Quote #3
In IB we don't believe in miracles... We rely on them!
Vote:
72
|
Permalink
Quote #33
IB helps you with stress management. It throws all this stress at you and says, 'Manage it!' Then you have your breakdown and you get over it.
Vote:
69
|
Permalink
Quote #207
During a break in the biology mock exam:
IB Student 1: What's evolution?
IB Student 2: It's when we finish this exam and half of us drop dead so that only the people who are smart enough move on to the next mock.
Vote:
69
|
Permalink
Quote #237
Teacher is explaining differentiation to the class
SL Maths Student: Are we ever going to use this in real life?
Teacher: Of course.
SL Maths Student: When?
Teacher: In the exam.
Vote:
67
|
Permalink
Quote #86
English teacher is looking up a sex scene from Like Water For Chocolate: "Oh how ironic, its on page 69."
Half the class: "Whats so special about 69?"
Vote:
66
|
Permalink
Quote #263
IB - the best condom in the world.
Vote:
60
|
Permalink
Quote #23
IB puts the "pro" in procrastination.
Vote:
59
|
Permalink
Quote #59
"You guys are data bulimics. You just swallow it and then spew it out for the test. It's disgusting."
Vote:
57
|
Permalink
Quote #327
Rising IB junior: So, can you give me any advice about IB English?
IB Senior: When in doubt, the answer is 'sexual repression'.
Vote:
54
|
Permalink
Quote #222
IB English student: *Looking at a coke bottle* It's amazing what paradoxes exist in this soft drink container. It appears phallic in shape, thereby appealing to a consumer's primal desire for unmasked masculinity, yet its function as a receptacle allows us to construe it as a uterine symbol, belying our innate fascination with the feminine form.
Non IB English student: Dude, I just buy it 'cos of the hot chicks in those TV ads.
Vote:
53
|
Permalink
Quote #306
Teacher: Guys, be quiet. The seniors are giving orals in the closet.
Class: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Vote:
53
|
Permalink
Quote #112
Student 1: Hey! I've got a brilliant EE topic!
Student 2: Ah-uhm...
Student 1: It will be: Oedipus, the original motherfucker...
Student 2: ...
Vote:
51
|
Permalink
Quote #206
History teacher: "By the end of IB, you're going to know Stalin better than your own grandfather!"
Vote:
51
|
Permalink
Quote #37
Person 1: Damn you! You're so not art.
Person 2: Is that supposed to be an insult?
Person 1: Of course. You're not art, which means you're not beautiful, you can't be interpreted, and that you weren't created by intent.
Vote:
50
|
Permalink
Quote #153
"IB is like an abusive husband, you know you should leave but you can't because you have a life together even if that life occasionally beats you, calls you names, and makes you feel like killing yourself."- Jordan S.
Vote:
50
|
Permalink
Quote #300
The International Baccalaureate: The only educational program owned, run, and sponsered by satan himself.
Vote:
50
|
Permalink
Quote #485
If you think you're doing the IB, you're wrong. The IB's doing you.
Vote:
49
|
Permalink
Quote #77
Looking at an abstract picture:
Student 1: Hey it says TOK yo!
Student 2: Uh... it's Tokyo!
Student 1: @#$*!
Vote:
48
|
Permalink
Quote #82
History teacher wrote a confusing Russian name to the board that contained lot of xywz-letters.
Student: What kind of name is that?
Teacher: I didn't know how to spell it, so I made it up
Class: *erases the name away from the notebook*
Teacher: Do you believe everything I write on the blackboard?
Class: YES
Teacher: Seriously?
Vote:
48
|
Permalink
Quote #288
If you are on this site since 5 minutes, you took your break for the week!
Vote:
48
|
Permalink
Quote #53
Teacher: A catalyst is something that speeds up a chemical reaction, but it's not involved in the reaction itself.
Student: Um.. can you give us a real life example?
Teacher: Sure, I tell my son to clean up his room, he says no, I ask him nicely, he still says no, so then, I take out my belt and and ask him again, he runs up to clean it.
Student: O.o
Teacher: See, the belt it not never touched him, but it speeds up the reaction.
Vote:
46
|
Permalink
Quote #4
"It's only 6 tests, how hard can it be to take 6 tests?"
- An IB student's little sister, age 9
Vote:
45
|
Permalink
Quote #110
Teacher: So what's Newton's Universal Law of Gravitiation?
Student 1: What goes up must come down? (as a joke)
[Teacher looks a Student 1 like she's stupid]
Student 2: Aaah, but what is up and what is down?
Student 1: Shut up, you've been doing too much TOK.
Vote:
45
|
Permalink
Quote #279
(Non-IB Kids are passing by the window of the chemistry lab while they go off to a pep rally. The IB kids inside are taking a quiz and are therefore not going to the pep rally).
Non-IB Kid: Haha, IB kids!!
Chemistry teacher: They'll be your boss one day!
Vote:
45
|
Permalink
Quote #12
Carson: Pacman is so hard, im almost dead! How do I get a life?
Lucas: Stop playing.
Vote:
44
|
Permalink
Quote #305
(IB Student's Mom is looking at his progress report)
Mom: You have a D in English!
Student: Yeah, I know. It's okay.
Mom: It is?!
Student: Yeah, everyone else has a D too.
Vote:
44
|
Permalink
Quote #67
The number 45 never looked so high until now...
Vote:
43
|
Permalink
Quote #450
Found this on my Facebook wall:
"I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WITH THE HISTORY STUDYING OMG. Last night I studied so much that I dreamed I was married to Stalin but then he killed me in the gulag!!!"
Vote:
42
|
Permalink
Quote #27
Mr. Hughes (chemistry teacher): Give me an element.
Jason (shouting): Strontium!
Mr. Hughes: ok Carbon.
Vote:
40
|
Permalink
Quote #168
Andy: To be or not to be? That is the question. If you choose to be, don't choose IB.
Vote:
40
|
Permalink
Quote #1
Student (smacking his fist against the desk during a physics test): Damn it!
Teacher: Next time, use your head.
Vote:
39
|
Permalink
Quote #309
The realization of actually being in IB hit me when I decided not to wear my seatbelt in the car becuase I would prefer to go to the hospital rather than go to school.
Vote:
39
|
Permalink
Quote #315
IB student: ...the presentation is absolutely horrific. No eye contact and the absolute wrong tone of voice. At one look you would think she is targeting teenagers but if you look a bit deeper you can see that... Therefore we can conclude that...
Non IB Student: Dude, you just analysed a 30 second TV advertisement in 2 minutes. What kinda school do you go to?
Vote:
39
|
Permalink
Quote #87
What we don't realize is, this is all just a huge scientific study to find out how much stress kids can be put under before they haul off and kill themselves. The idea is that they give students amounts of work that are impossible to achieve, and periodically add more and more work during times when key projects are due. I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of it. I quit.
- Student to entire class
Vote:
38
|
Permalink
Quote #57
Chemistry Teacher: You guys will start the group 4 project next week. You will learn how to socialize with others and have fun.
Vote:
36
|
Permalink
Quote #129
IB kids are basically super human. We can run on as little as one meal and four hours of sleep a day for a duration of two weeks.
Vote:
34
|
Permalink
Quote #223
Discussing a valentines day party:
English Teacher: So if you bring valentines, bring one for everyone. I don't want one kid getting none and another getting 5.
Michael: But that's reality!
English Teacher: Be quiet Michael, I'm doing you a favor. You won't get any anyways.
Vote:
33
|
Permalink
Quote #80
"Why wasn't I in on this?!"
- Satan on IB
Vote:
32
|
Permalink