Browsing 50 random quotations.

Quote #206

History teacher: "By the end of IB, you're going to know Stalin better than your own grandfather!"

Vote: Yay! 702 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #991

Marking up first chapter of Therese Raquin:

IB student: Look, it describes the walls as being damp... do you think that this is connected to the drowning that occurs afterwards in the book? Cause you know.. water is damp...

Vote: Yay! 39 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #496

I sold my soul to take IB Physics, and all I got was flavor blasted Goldfish.



(During the break between paper 1 an 2 during the IB exam)

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Quote #368

Chem teacher looking at student's hair: Jessica your hair is so long and thick and has just the right curl to it...
Jessica: Thank you?
Chem teacher: and so soft....

Vote: Yay! -60 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #165

Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated. It hurts like hell and you produce crap very slowly.

Vote: Yay! 3672 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #2111

The International Baccalaureate Program:
Putting the "nation" in "procrastination" since 1968

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Quote #2084

IB - the only place where a B stands for "below average"

Vote: Yay! 296 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #227

While you lot are adding quotes, some of us are doing our work!

(from Tino Tenda and Saquib Ali)

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Quote #421

Student 1: Have you done those scene summaries yet?
Student 2: Nope.
Student 1: Wait, have you even read Othello yet??
Student 2: Nope!
Student 1: But...
Student 2: Hellooo! Sparknotes!

Vote: Yay! 128 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1123

Ib student 1 to coordinator:
You know the other day I was thinking about the long term affects of Ib. We are growing individuals and these two years of stress, malnutrition, sleep deprivation, minimal hygiene and spending hours on end staring at a computer screen not to mention the risk of brain cancer inherit in over-thinking everything. Like what do we get from it.
Coordinator:
You get a nice certificate.
Student 2:
Ya certificate of super-nerdyness.

Vote: Yay! 97 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #2082

You know you are in IB when you are too busy to think about suicide.

Vote: Yay! 209 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #2027

You know you're in IB when you can text faster on your calculator than your phone.

Vote: Yay! 621 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #380

IB Visual Arts students walking about workbooks

student 1: the quality of my workbook is like a y= cosx+1 graph
student 1: it's good then bad then good then okay then good then bad then good
student 1: first we're kinda excited and enthusiastic that we have to do workbook pages, and then we learn we have to do ten every. single. week. and that's when I hit cos of pi
student 2: hahahhaa, I'm at 5pi/2, but I hope to get to 7pi/2

Vote: Yay! 44 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #543

When you try to tell an IB teacher a joke...

Scott: If Venetians are from Venice, who's from Venus?
Mr. Ha (didn't get it): Women are from Venus. So us guys, we get the planet with a possible atmosphere. You girls get the one with volcanos on it.
Boys: HAH.

*Long discussion ensues, in which girls argue that Mars has a huge volcano on it too... eventually it's decided that there'd have to be a sperm/egg trade between planets to keep the race alive.*

Mr. Ha: Wait, so women would rule the economy!
Girls: HAH.
Scott: That doesn't answer my question... if Venetians are from Venice, who's from Venus? :(

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Quote #197

Teacher solving a complicated (HL) math problem on the board.

Student: Teacher, what does that +ve mean?
Teacher: What +ve... oh... I don't know. I saw it was in the book.

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Quote #235

Iwan: Oh, I thought it was a typo
Teacher: I'm not typing on the board
Iwan: Oh, I meant a hando... oh...

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Quote #437

History Teacher: What comes to mind when talking about China?
IB Student: Fung shway?
History Teacher: What's that?
IB Student: The concept of selling crappy quality card tables to westerners.

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Quote #32

"Mao Ze-Dong!" - Josh

In response to the Carsoninian one enterting the room.

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Quote #1195

Would it count as action, service, or creativity hours if i punch Alec in the face?

Vote: Yay! 93 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #114

Movie in French....

Guy on screen: We were married in December 1939...... We first made love
in May 1939.

Naive IB student: Wait, did he just say that was BEFORE they were
married?

Equally naive IB student: Yeah, that doesn't make sense.

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Quote #8

IB is a very religious program... everyone think he's God.

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Quote #453

French Teacher when we couldnt work out what to write in a paragraph about kidnapping:
French Teacher: You can say how small children are easier to kidnap because they fit in bags!
*silence in the classroom*

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Quote #394

Teacher: ... read through this lab report about "Pea Seed Germination.. they tried to soak some of the pea seeds with a lot of water, and then compared them to one the ones which didn't get that much water."

Students leave classroom.

Student1 (female): But I mean... isn't that quite expensive?
Student2: What do you mean?
Student1: Yeah, the computers probably don't work when you've poured water over them!!

(Pea seed; PC)

(and we're supposed to be smart.)

Vote: Yay! 19 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #467

IB Calculus teacher: *frustrated* You guys are like monkeys with your bananas in your hands, just poking them randomly to see if you can find a space to stick them! You should be EXPERTS at plugging in by this point; you've been doing it for years!
Antonio: haha, plugging in!
Class: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Teacher: *baffled*

Vote: Yay! 37 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #941

IB kids throwing paper balls at each other in library and hiding behind the shelves....
Librarian: I've spent 15 years working in an elementary school library, you just demonstrated the same behavior as a 5th grader

IB student: That's because I'm in IB

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Quote #1609

HL chem students came up with

IUPAC=International Union of People Against Chemistry

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Quote #614

...while studying for an IB Math SL exam...
S: ..I imagine a type of McDonald's where you drive up and ask, "Can I have a literary essay with this, this and this about this novel?"...and the dude will ask, "You want textual evidence with that?"

Vote: Yay! 156 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #279

(Non-IB Kids are passing by the window of the chemistry lab while they go off to a pep rally. The IB kids inside are taking a quiz and are therefore not going to the pep rally).

Non-IB Kid: Haha, IB kids!!
Chemistry teacher: They'll be your boss one day!

Vote: Yay! 617 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #322

(French teacher passes out French test)
(Class realizes they have already taken this test)

Student 1: Madame, we've already taken this test.
Student 2: Yeah, it was our midterm.
(Class murmurs sounds of agreement)
Teacher: Oh, you're so picky, just take it.

Vote: Yay! 60 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #913

You know IB has gone a bit too far when u can actually make a business out of swapping homework with each other.

Vote: Yay! 133 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1319

This morning, before getting in the shower, I passed out.

My first thought when coming out was not "Oh my god, I just passed out", it was "I'm incredibly lucky, now I don't have to take my Calc test."

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Quote #102

Chemistry Teacher: Just treat me like God.

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Quote #79

Maths teacher joke:

Terrorists stop a bus full of passengers and succeed in getting all the passengers off the bus. When they come to the back of the bus, there is one passenger still there. The terrorists say "if you don't get off the bus NOW, we will differentiate and integrate you". The small passenger replies "I'm e^x".

Vote: Yay! 68 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1960

AP students wet their pants when they see their workload.

IB students wet their pants because they have no time to go to the toilet.

Vote: Yay! 1350 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1264

SL & HL Biology class.
Topic was ecology and energy flow in a food web.

Teacher:
"So if we have 14 tons of vegetables and a mutant mouse eats them all you get 10% energy going to the mouse and 90% is lost. If an elephant then eats the mouse it gets 10% energy and 90% is lost. A Dragon might then eat the elephant and if this happens it will get 10% energy and 90% is lost. Now, if we choose to make Dragon meat-stakes, how many stakes would we get?"

The answer was 40 Dragon meat-stakes. He then proceeded to ensure that we wouldn´t use this magnificent example in the finals.

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Quote #627

Mark of an IB Student -

Friendster Last Login: Before IB

Vote: Yay! 32 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #846

IB French Teacher: You guys need to be able to write more complicated sentences! Let's practice some of our translating. Amy translate this into french: My french techer walked into class and jumped out of the window."

Amy: That's a bit morbid...

IB French Teacher: Ok ok, try this one "The french techer will throw Amy out of the window if she doesn't translate the last sentence". Better?

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Quote #632

Q: How many IB students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 30. One to change the bulb, and twenty-nine to reflect on the process.

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Quote #469

Conversation on MSN after reading a few quotes:

"How sad, our whole is on that website" (ibquotes.com)
"Yeah, its the story of our lives"

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Quote #502

Non IB student: DBQ....a barbeque for people with D's?

IB student: NO, no, no. It's an essay or personal written source where we gather information from a specific historic document, photgraph, piece of art, or book. You then take every little bit and detail and carefully analyze it until you can't go any further in depth. You then present in a carefully written essay that demonstrates your understanding and depiction of the document or source.

Non-IB student: What the fuck are you on?

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Quote #462

Non-IB student: You're in IB?
IB Student: Yeah.
Non-IB Student: Do you ever have nervous breakdowns involving all-night study sessions ending in screaming Latin phrases and offering to sell your soul to Satan if he'll put you out of this misery?
IB Student: ...just the once.

Vote: Yay! 553 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #844

IB Chemistry Teacher on the first day of class:
"Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid students"

Vote: Yay! 376 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #637

I was procrastinating on YouTube and found this inspiring:

We are doing all these things to squeeze things together so we can save time (...) But we aren't guaranteed that time, all we have is 'here' and 'now' and that's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination is not the problem, it's the solution!
(...) Procrastinate now! Don't put it off!
by Ellen DeGeneres.

Vote: Yay! 94 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #153

"IB is like an abusive husband, you know you should leave but you can't because you have a life together even if that life occasionally beats you, calls you names, and makes you feel like killing yourself."- Jordan S.

Vote: Yay! 1635 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #996

Patricia: Do you think they'll have alcohol at the IB Christmas Party?
Genie: ...IB kids drinking? Can you imagine us drunk? We would be like... "HAHA YOUR FACE IS A PARABOLA."

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Quote #826

IB math pick-up lines:

"Are you a differential equation? 'Cause I want to be tangent to your curves."

"I don't want to be obtuse, but you're acute boy."

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Quote #31

"I love you JT" - Josh

Vote: Yay! -438 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #840

IB Teacher: The people that are visiting our school this week to present information about the university have specified that they only want IB, AP, and Honors students to attend their presentation."

IB Student: In other words, "No peasants."

Vote: Yay! 267 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #542

Ms Richardson, English HL Teacher: "I don't understand shorthand. I once had to reply to an email and say 'Sorry, I don't know what you just said.' It was kind of embarrassing actually."
Matt: "Did you actually write out sorry?"
Ms. Richardson: "How else would I write it?"
Class: "Sry."
Karlena: "Or Sree." (ignored) "Or Sr3."
(entire class turns their heads to stare at Karlena)

Vote: Yay! -43 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #550

In the hallway, 2 students were on the floor and talking about math, while one of them was doing stuff with his laptop, when suddenly a standard level math teacher pass by...

Student 1: Sir, I don't get what you teach just now...
Teacher: You don't need to get it, just copy it to your mind and change the number to (x) and you get the answer. believe me!
Student 2: *was copying data from laptop to USB*: aaah, memory full!!

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