Browsing 50 random quotations.

Quote #549

History teacher: So, how would one stop Pontiac's rebellion?

Student: Start FORD!

Vote: Yay! 4 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #391

What does IB mean?

Internal Bullshit!

Vote: Yay! -22 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #483

Preceding a presentation in a geography class...

Josh: Simon says, put your hand on your nose.
(Students all put their hands on their noses.)
Josh: Why'd you do that? I'm not Simon..

5 minutes later..((presentation has started))

Colin: Wait a minute... are you the representative of Simon?

Vote: Yay! 18 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #420

"That's a very simple explanation of the Year 7 transfer...of pain."

Physics Teacher talking about Translational Kinetic energy in relation to an experiment he did with year 7's punching each other.

Vote: Yay! -12 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1994

J: Omg the jokes on IBquotes.com are SO relate able and funny!
A: Yeah iv read all of them 3 times and made notes on them
H: now THATS what the IB does to you! AAGH!

Vote: Yay! -231 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #424

When I started at an IB school I though "wow this school is gonna be really nerdy". After a couple of weeks I realized "wow this school really isn't nerdy!"

Now I know I just became more nerdy!

Vote: Yay! 36 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1031

IB student 1 and IB student 2 are walking home together. IB student 1 is muttering to herself.

IB student 1: I have my History textbook, Hamlet, my Bio binder, my Physics textbook....
IB student 2: What's wrong?
IB student 1: *hands over backpack*
IB student 2: OMG!!! It's so LIGHT!!!!!!!
IB student 1: I think I forgot something.
IB student 2: Well you have your History textbook ...

Vote: Yay! 173 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #351

Non-IB student: So because I'm not in IB I won't be anything?
IB Student: Sure you will...you'd be my secretary.

Vote: Yay! 168 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #161

The only thing holding us down is our backpacks!

Vote: Yay! 262 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1215

Student 1: I have calculated the angle at which you can place your laptop so people passing by and the teacher won't notice you're on Facebook!

Vote: Yay! 159 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #214

I don’t even complain about IB anymore. It’s just a part of my life and I can’t even remember how life used to be…before I used to moan and whine about the program and wish I could have my life back. I can’t even remember what “life” is anymore. It has sucked all optimism and fun out of my teenage life…wait what life? Although insanity does have its perks…try bursting into tears of laughter after stories that have no meaning or significance except to keep us from doing our work.

Vote: Yay! 151 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #538

8-year-old kid: "twinkle-twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are..."

IB student: "a massive ball of gas burning millions of light years away!"

Vote: Yay! 396 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #180

English Teacher: Hey guys I have alcohol -

*class turns in interest*

English Teacher: - and hand sanitizer for you to wash your hands.

*class turns away in dissapointment*

Vote: Yay! 92 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #633

Student: *writes on board* 100 days to Christmas

Teacher: *erases board* You may be in IB, but this is a publis school. We're not allowed to have Christmas!

Student: *writes on board again* 100 days to the Birth of the Generic Deity of Your Choosing

Vote: Yay! 199 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1390

Math Studies insults:
Khalia: Susie, I depreciate you.
Susie: Khalia, my love for you decays at an exponential rate.

Vote: Yay! 93 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1278

Chuck Norris got a 50 in IB
Thats right, a 50
And he did 9 HL subjects
You heard me


-Ben Cole, Queensland Academy of Health Sciences

Vote: Yay! 148 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1114

Teacher: The marks ranged from 37 to 3. Which is a good spread.

Vote: Yay! 87 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #989

i love the depth of ToK :P

"Arts is completly subjective
-> Picaso's art looks like trash to normal people but is priceless to those who like trash"

(my friend's actual notes for our upcoming presentation on ways of knowing through observation)

Vote: Yay! 86 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #75

Student: Sir. For our french exam, how many essays do we need to write?

French Teacher: Umm, let me check.

Student: You're teaching IB french and have been for 3 years and you can't remember?

French Teacher: Well, I forgot.

Vote: Yay! -75 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #204

I didn't know what IB was all about until I looked up at the ceiling in IB Latin American History.

Someone had scribbled on the ceiling : I read and still got a zero.

Vote: Yay! 89 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #942

regular Student: So what do you do in IB?
IB student: We put life, soul, sanity, social life and body to the line for the the act of absorbing and regurgitating information at will in the service of IBO.
regular student: Why dude?
IB student: Good question haven't really given it that much thought.

Vote: Yay! 126 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #426

The ultimate geek joke:

Paddy: Can you tell the difference between a gas and a plasma just by looking?

James: I dunno. I guess not. They'd probably look the same.

Paddy: Ohhh...... (makes flapping movements in the direction of James)

James: Ahhh! Paddy's throwing ions at me!

Yingke: Shouldn't you be dead?

James: Apparently not.

Vote: Yay! -16 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #144

A two-carbon thing (acetyl group) and a four-carbon thing (citric acid) make a 6-carbon thing
-web site our teacher told us to use as a reference for our IB Bio work

Vote: Yay! 48 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1229

Asian: Yeah, I never went to math camp, isn't that sad?

Vote: Yay! -49 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #2090

Me: "Mum, I'm finding the IB really hard at the moment"
Mum: "It's not THAT bad"
Me: How would you know?
Mum: I don't know; I like it that way.

Vote: Yay! 103 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1391

IB coordinator and history teacher: World leaders are just like people: they make bad mistakes. Sometimes you gotta own up to your bad call. Ever made a decision where you looked back and you were like 'God, why did I make that decision? What possessed me to think that was a good idea!?'

Student: Yeah. Getting into IB.

Vote: Yay! 157 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #240

Blackmon: So see, its a theory that dinosaurs were killed by an asteroid.

*Writes "Dinosaurs killed an asteroid" on board*

Mike: DINOSAUR NAZIS IN SPAAAAAAAAACE!

Vote: Yay! -14 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1260

IB is like Miley Cyrus.
Seems to be the Finest
Promoted to be the best.

.....................................
But is just really a snobby little bitch.

by Makku Choo

Vote: Yay! 166 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1779

When an IB student does an assignment due the next day at 12 midnight, he says: "Good, I still have 6 hours left to finish it."

Vote: Yay! 1042 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1668

You know you're in IB when you procrastinate by doing "less important" homework.

Vote: Yay! 4082 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #272

"I've had some physics students whose teachers have told them there is no negative time... that, of course, is crap."

Vote: Yay! 30 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #851

Your as sweet as 3.1415926535...................

Vote: Yay! 302 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #117

Get online at 4 am...
find three of my IB friends still online.
one's away message says "finishing Internal Assessment"
the next, "procrastinating on Internal Assessment"
the last one, "finally done with Internal Assessment!"

Vote: Yay! 274 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1524

IB Student 1: Did you understand a word of that math lecture?
IB Student 2: No, I was finishing the physics homework instead.
IB Student 3: Oh my god, do you understand the physics unit?!
IB Student 2: No, I was doing my math homework during the lecture.

Vote: Yay! 1899 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1842

Student 1: *freaking out* Guys I am totally failing my Math Studies IA!!!!

Student 2: You can't fail it......

Student 1:..................I wrote it all night, starting at midnight, the one formula I based my entire thesis on had a crazy negative decimal number as a result, so I concluded that the trajectile thrown by the catapult went backwards in time and space and hit someone in the 16th century in the foot and it was all the fault of the French. Here, see I drew a cartoon to add to it.

Student 2: ......with each page of your paper I can tell what time in the morning it is and how much sleep you've had.....

ONE MONTH LATER
Grades on IA's:

Student 2: C+
Student 1: C

Student 1: *DANCE AROUND THE ROOM*

Math Teacher: I just gave you extra points because you weren't moderated...and it amused me how little math you know.

Vote: Yay! 212 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #4

"It's only 6 tests, how hard can it be to take 6 tests?"
- An IB student's little sister, age 9

Vote: Yay! 1287 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1183

(To the tune of "I Kissed a Girl")

This was not the way I planned,
To, go to college...
I got so brave, calculator in hand...
Lost my motivation
It's not what, I expected
Just want my choices...
I'm curious for IB,
Caught my attention...

I joined IB and I liked it...
Stress of the IB Rubric...
I joined IB just to try it,
I hope that AP don't mind it...
It felt like a blur
All those late nights
But now I speak spanish alright.
I joined IB and I liked it
I liked it...

No, I don't even know the name,
of my essay advisor
You're my experimental game
for the Bio IA!
It's not what,
normal kids do,
Not how they waste high school!
My head gets, so filled with...
All those trig facts!

I joined IB and I liked it,
The morning caffeine requirement...
I joined IB and I liked it,
let's hope those colleges do buy it...
It felt so wrong,
Now it's who I am,
Using Facebook to prep for exams...
I joined IB and I liked it...
I liked it...

Is appreciating IB so wrong?

Vote: Yay! 466 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #402

Halfway a history paper 2 practice test on Maoist China, after the teacher has left the room ...

"So, who is this Mao guy?"

Vote: Yay! 94 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1077

Rebel: Steals a cop car and drives it down a cliff.
IB Rebel: Drinks coke in the Library.

Vote: Yay! 1264 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #312

IB Coordinator: After you finish your Extended Essay, you will have put about 40 hours of work into it.

Student: Do we get CAS hours?

Vote: Yay! 146 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1142

Only in I.B. could you text someone at 1:30 in the morning and have them respond about the homework, and then proceed to finish the homework over the phone together

Vote: Yay! 231 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #67

The number 45 never looked so high until now...

Vote: Yay! 2232 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1982

How not to get your Business IA done-
To the tune of Bubbly by Collie Caillat:

Procrastinated for a while now
I really should go do my essay now
But every time I see that white blank page
My mind wanders to another place

Due tomorrow I know
Haven't done it and so
Tonight will go
So very slow
Not an excuse, they say
I got it Wednesday
Fifteen Hundred
Words to go

Our teacher can be really really vague
Don't understand half the things he say
Rambles on so very boring-ly
We're so confused why can't he see?

Due tomorrow I know
Haven't done it and so
Tonight will go
So very slow
Not an excuse, they say
I got it Wednesday
Fifteen Hundred
Words to go

What am I gonna say?
Only knew 'bout this yesterday!
I just...... AGRRHHHH!!!!

Due tomorrow I know
Haven't done it and so
Tonight will go
So very slow
Not an excuse, they say
I got it Wednesday
Fifteen Hundred
Words to go

Been writing this for a while now
I think I just took my break right now
That essay cannot so itself
I'll use Wikipedia for some help

Old Wiki might know
And I better go
And do this horrible essay so
My grades ain't so low
My teacher gives me the shits
And has halitosis
Oh god yeah

I've spent, yeah, I've spent, yeah
Spent way too long writing this
I've spent, yeah, I've spent, yeah
Spent way too long writing this
Won't be done for a while
That don't make me smile.....

Vote: Yay! 312 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #1445

IBer to English teacher: Sir, do you know how to find the anti-derivative of (3(x^2+3x)^4)/7? Because I forgot how to do it.

English teacher: Are you insulting me?

Vote: Yay! 192 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #230

I BS CAS hours!

Vote: Yay! -42 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #257

Chemistry Student One: (wears flip flops in a non-lab day, but we somehow get out the chemicals anyway) Oh no! I have caustic chemicals on my toes!

Chemistry Student Two: Don't worry, the teacher's a doctor!

Dr. Helmick: Heh. Use the shower!

Vote: Yay! -3 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #223

Discussing a valentines day party:

English Teacher: So if you bring valentines, bring one for everyone. I don't want one kid getting none and another getting 5.

Michael: But that's reality!

English Teacher: Be quiet Michael, I'm doing you a favor. You won't get any anyways.

Vote: Yay! 184 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #286

Matt (IB): Yeah, I went to school today, got a shitload of homework, and now I'm home working on five pages of math, two chem assignments, and 16 pages of random english. And I'm sick. With a fever.

Laura(Honors): Why the heck did you go to school if you were sick?

Matt: Homework comes before health. You fucking die and go to IB hell otherwise.

Vote: Yay! 657 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #86

English teacher is looking up a sex scene from Like Water For Chocolate: "Oh how ironic, its on page 69."

Half the class: "Whats so special about 69?"

Vote: Yay! 1165 Nay! | Permalink

Quote #982

You know you are up to your wazzo with IB when you freak out and have a nervous break down because the library printer runs out of paper.

Vote: Yay! 266 Nay! | Permalink