Browsing the latest submitted quotations.
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German teacher/ex-FBI Agent explains how to connect nine dots with three lines without moving the pencil.
Herr Davis: If I walked through that wall I could keep going until....... and the dots would be connected.
Student: I have $5 for you to walk through that wall, that's what they taught you in the FBI.
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Quote #297
IB Student: Last night I prayed a natural disaster would happen so that I could get out of this AP MEH test, I cried when I woke up.
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Quote #296
TOK, Philosophy, and Western Culture Teacher: DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING I SAY!!!!
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Quote #294
Math Class:
Teacher: So class, what's different about today's note?
Student: OH! I KNOW! The unit title has a bubble around it, usually, it has a box, and only the lesson title has a bubble!
Teacher: Right! Good work!
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Quote #293
On SL Maths about matrices
Student 1: Do you get it?
Student 2: No...
Student 1: See the identity matrix is like a bunny on a field and then an evil inverse alien(inverse matrix) lands on the field and scares the bunny away. Do you now get it?
Student 2: Yeah... Thanks for explaining. :)
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Quote #292
IB Physics pick-up line: Are you infrared? Because girl, you're giving off heat!
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Quote #291
Student: what is a patroonship?
Teacher: A patroonship is a ship that sailes around the island of patroon.
If you actually wrote that down, leave the class, now.
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Quote #290
IB Chem HL Teacher: Come on guys, this isn't rocket science.
Student: It isn't, but we're sure as hell getting close to it.
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Quote #289
*class is talking*
Mr. Daly: *brings out grade reports and shakes them around*
Class: *stares silently at the grade reports*
Mr. Daly: Grade reports are like crack for IB students
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Quote #288
If you are on this site since 5 minutes, you took your break for the week!
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Quote #287
Chemistry HL Teacher: The mole is your God.
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Quote #286
Matt (IB): Yeah, I went to school today, got a shitload of homework, and now I'm home working on five pages of math, two chem assignments, and 16 pages of random english. And I'm sick. With a fever.
Laura(Honors): Why the heck did you go to school if you were sick?
Matt: Homework comes before health. You fucking die and go to IB hell otherwise.
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Quote #285
IB kids are abiotic creatures, we don't have lives.
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Quote #284
Chemistry teacher: Here's the percent error formula: you minus God over God times a hundred.
Student 1: Wait, what?
Chemistry teacher: You heard me.
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Quote #283
Anya: Hey, Oliver, can I borrow your math portfolio?
Oliver: I'd rather lend you my firstborn child.
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Quote #282
Agitated French Teacher: I'm gonna hang you if you don't conjugate this verb.
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Quote #281
(At our school, the IB kids get a pizza lunch once a month).
Freshman IB History Teacher before our first pizza lunch: You'll quickly learn that these lunches are the only good thing about IB.
Alex: So what, we sell our souls for pizza?
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Quote #280
Madeline: Chemistry makes me want to take a shot of H2SO4.
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Quote #279
(Non-IB Kids are passing by the window of the chemistry lab while they go off to a pep rally. The IB kids inside are taking a quiz and are therefore not going to the pep rally).
Non-IB Kid: Haha, IB kids!!
Chemistry teacher: They'll be your boss one day!
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414
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Quote #278
How many IB kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes 12 other IB kids to stand around him while he does it, telling him what he's doing wrong and how to do it right.
-Madeline
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Quote #277
There will be enough time to sleep when we die!
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Quote #276
Teacher: All right lets do a reading assignmet for extra credit.
Student: Can we take a quiz instead?
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Quote #275
"The French language hates you more than you hate it."
- IB French teacher
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Quote #274
IB English Class
Teacher's advice to students: So when you're home alone practice your oral on your dog...
Students: That's what she said...
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Quote #273
(Male english teacher on Dr. Astrov from Chekhov's "Uncle Vanya")
"Well YES he was drunk, but he's also a man! And men are notoriously STUPID."
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Quote #272
"I've had some physics students whose teachers have told them there is no negative time... that, of course, is crap."
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Quote #271
[IB Latin American History]
Shuff: Everything in the class is optional - the tests, essays, and homework. It just means I have less to grade. It's all optional.
Chris: LIFE IS OPTIONAL!
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Quote #270
[IB Mathematics]
Ms. Frisbie: And this is why God made the table setting. Wait, God made Texas...
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Quote #269
[In IB Math Studies]
Frisbie: You know, physics is describing reality, not positing what we'd like.
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Quote #268
Physics teacher with bad English: "Delta is from the beginning the grease figure for D."
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Quote #267
IB English Teacher: After reading your World Lit papers, I wanted to go spend my night drinking and drown my sorrows in alcohol.
*Class roars with laughter*
IB English Teacher: What? I AM over 21, you know.
Student: The legal drinking age is 19.
IB English Teacher: Well, I'm over 19 too.
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Quote #266
History teacher concerning Paper 1:
Origin, purpose, value and limitation - OPVL. If you don't do this I will find you in the middle of the night and do nasty things to you.
(most quotes of this type come with random dances..)
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Quote #265
If you're an IB student, you actually have an IB dance to release stress when your IB coordinator comes in and reminds you of the work you kept on procrastinating.
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Quote #264
IB, therefore I am.
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Quote #263
IB - the best condom in the world.
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Quote #262
You only choose to do the IB for one reason.
You only have to cram once: At the end, where it all counts
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Quote #261
IB kid: I hate how the other 80% of the school has no idea what it's doing.
Non IB kid: Yeah, I'm glad I'm in the intelligent 10%.
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Quote #260
In an IB Physics class:
Student: So what causes light to refract?
Teacher: Imagine light is a tractor driving first on pavement and then on some other denser medium... say, cheese grits...
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Quote #259
Math Teacher: What do you get when you mix a mosquito and a mountain climber?
Nothing. You can't mix a vector and a scalar.
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Quote #258
Dictatorsarefun: But all your thinking is theoretical, I can't accept it with out empirical data
Dictatorsarefun: only humor it
VoteforNimitz: It's acceptable until a better data model is available
VoteforNimitz: It has the most theoretical backing
VoteforNimitz: otherwise we are mulling around without a clue as to what's going on like a bunch of Saxons
VoteforNimitz: The acceptance of theory allows for some illusion of knowledge
Dictatorsarefun: ahahhaha
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Quote #257
Chemistry Student One: (wears flip flops in a non-lab day, but we somehow get out the chemicals anyway) Oh no! I have caustic chemicals on my toes!
Chemistry Student Two: Don't worry, the teacher's a doctor!
Dr. Helmick: Heh. Use the shower!
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Quote #256
Math Teacher: Seriously guys, in the long run, what's the difference between a 93 and a 95?
IB student: (in a reverent tone) Your future.
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Quote #255
When asked to comment on the IB a student replied: "I'd commit suicide but I don't have the time."
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Quote #254
Chem HL Student: Got some delta-9-tetra hydrocannabinol?
Guy 1: (raises his eyebrows) wtf???
Other Chem HL guy: (closes his eyes)... Oh give him what you're smoking...
Guy 1: It's called hashish you idiot.
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Quote #253
I plucked my mom's eyebrows. Now can I have the CAS hours?
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Quote #252
Student 1: This is so bad, suicide looks good...
Student 2: We don't have time, the EE is due in a week...
Student 1: Doh!!!
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Quote #251
There comes a time in one's life where it is deemed neccessary to break into school to get back to the lab on a sunday morning (complete with hangover) and do group 4. This may also be referred to as IB-induced psychosis, the prognosis is bleak...
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Quote #250
In a physics class about elementary particles:
Student: Do these particles move faster than the speed of light?
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Quote #249
TOK teacher: "The most disruptive member of society is the male member."
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Quote #248
Mrs. Hardee, I think Dantes is the Count of Monte Cristo!
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