Browsing the latest submitted quotations.
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In elementary, staying up after 8 was unheard of
In JH, staying up after 12 was abnormal
In pre-IB staying up after 3am is common
In IB doing all nighters is part of your daily life
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Quote #590
Student: Teacher, when will we get our tests back from 2 weeks ago?
Teacher: You students, don't you realize that it's because of you students that i get so stressed?? I have to teach you everyday and i even have to mark your papers! No, never ask me this again. I will give you you're papers back when i want to.
Students: Well, how many have you started marking?
Teacher: As i said, i'm a very stressed and busy woman. So i have only marked 5.
Student: Teacher, then what should i do if i have to study for 5 tests, do 4 assignments, 2 projects, and 2 presentations?
Teacher: Well then, that's you're problem.
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Quote #588
Clara: I moved from America to France and barely notice the difference because IB is the same...and IB is my life.
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Quote #585
Standard teacher walks into IB Classroom to talk to IB teacher.
Standard teacher: Man, these kids look tired.
IB Teacher: Seeing a well-rested IB student is like seeing a unicorn.
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Quote #584
"Taking an IB exam is like going to Disney World!"
-IB Bio Teacher
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Quote #583
(All students in following quote are in IB)
(Two days after exams finished)
Anya: Where's Maylie?
Oliver: She's in the hospital. Went into anaphylactic shock this morning.
Anya: Oh my god, why?!
Oliver: She realized she didn't have any work to do.
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Quote #581
The eternal TOK question: How do we know what we know?
The IB student answer: Because we memorised it!
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Quote #580
If I were data I would be positively screwed, and have large interquartile rage. (=
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Quote #579
IB Teacher: Haha, another IB couple? I've noticed that IB students only date within the program, probably because you're all so isolated from the rest of the school.
IB Student: That's not the reason at all. IB Students are bred to look for a mate that looks good on paper. Who looks best on paper? A fellow IB person. After all, we're intelligent and also forced by CAS hours to be athletic, do something creative like play a musical instrument, and be an active member in the community. Thus, to us, a Normie is not very attractive. Especially considering that all the Normies who've asked me out were getting C's or lower... That's such a gross dealbreaker.
IB Teacher: This is math class! Not psychology! Don't go off on a tangent from me making one comment!
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Quote #578
IB Student: So, I broke up with my boyfriend last night.
Non-IB Student: Aww, that's terrible.
IB Student: Yeah... but it's okay. It would never have worked anyway; I'm IB, he's AP.
Non-IB Student: ...Uh okay.
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Quote #577
Honors Student: So, what did you do for your birthday?
IB Student: A chemistry formal lab write-up.
Honors Student: Well, did you do anything fun?
IB Student: Yes, I managed to get to bed before midnight. It was wonderful.
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Quote #575
"jane, i've loved you since i first met you, will you be my girlfriend?"
"talk later. not finished with paper."
*beep beep beep beep beep*
"hello? jane?"
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Quote #573
little sister: why aren't you sleeping?
IB student: it's 10 pm
little sister: exactly. you said that everyone needs their beauty rest. you don't want eye bags do you?
IB student: shut up. i have a math portfolio to finish
little sister: mommyy!!!!
IB student: *eyes glued on computer*
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Quote #571
bio teacher: Everyone wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer when they were little
Christian: When I was little I wanted to be an animal
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Quote #570
Mr Edward: hey, what's your name?
Student: Edward sir
Mr Edward: you should be smart then, because your name is Edward. That's why my parents give me name Edward!
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Quote #567
Ever have those IB hell-days where you ask the voices in your head what's wrong with you and they don't know either?
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Quote #566
Typical History of the Americas class:
"So you're saying we're a democracy because we threw people out of office and we freed a few slaves in the north. That doesn't really make us a beacon of liberty."-Mr.Young
"We have a liberty bell."-Joe
"Which is as cracked as your argument!"-Mr.Young
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Quote #565
"C'mon, what are the causes for the Cold War! You're drawing blanks here!"-Mr.Young
"...We gotta think outside the box?"-Travis
"...Inside the box?"-Joe
"First you got to get a box!"-Mr.Young
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Quote #564
Non-IB student: "So, how's your social life?"
IB student: "Hold on, how do you spell that? S-o-c-i-a-l. What's that?"
Non-IB student: "You know, you hang out with friends...do fun stuff...."
IB student: "Wow that sounds amazing! What class did you learn that in?"
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Quote #563
IB Coordinator: "Remember, you have an IB life and a normal life."
Student: "Normal life? What's that?"
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Quote #562
The Five Stages of Death:
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
The Five Stages of IB:
Naiveté, Huh?, Struggle, Regret, Nonchalance
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Quote #561
Mr. Ha: "Remember in elementary school there used to be teacher's helpers, you'd have to follow the teacher around and do what they asked you for a day?"
Maxim: "Future IB kids right there!"
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Quote #558
You know you're in IB when you are surprised when a teacher says to not show your work.
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Quote #557
Student 1: (after prattling on for almost five minutes) So as you can see, when Pedro and Juan initiate the sex, it's great. But when Rosaura starts it with Pedro, it's really bad for both of them.
Student 2: So in a 5-second summary, sex is only good when the men start it.
Guys in the class: *cheer*
Girls in the class: *glare*
Teacher: Okay, moving on...
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Quote #556
Student 1: All the books we read in English class are feminist! God, women are annoying.
Student 2: Dude. We've only read like, half of them. And in case you didn't notice, Lord of the Flies was about a bunch of little boys...NO WOMEN!
Student 1: ....oh yeah.
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Quote #555
"You make me want to throw myself out a window. Open one so I can jump out! ...
No, not that one, I can't fit through that one."
- IB English teacher to IB student
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Quote #554
"BLECH. ACK. ARGH. DUH. These are the markbands for your TOK paper."
- TOK Teacher
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Quote #553
"It's illegal to show this to you but I don't really care. I taped it off the TV and I'll do it again."
- IB English Teacher
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Quote #552
"Only thirty people skipped that bio test; that's not even half!"
- IB Student, without the slightest hint of sarcasm
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Quote #551
"You start with your tongue at the top and work your way down. Or you bite off the bottom and suck it all out. See? In an ice cream cone, order makes all the difference!"
- Math HL teacher, on combinatorics
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Quote #550
In the hallway, 2 students were on the floor and talking about math, while one of them was doing stuff with his laptop, when suddenly a standard level math teacher pass by...
Student 1: Sir, I don't get what you teach just now...
Teacher: You don't need to get it, just copy it to your mind and change the number to (x) and you get the answer. believe me!
Student 2: *was copying data from laptop to USB*: aaah, memory full!!
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Quote #549
History teacher: So, how would one stop Pontiac's rebellion?
Student: Start FORD!
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Quote #548
Teacher: Come hither!
Student: I'm hithering!
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Quote #547
Math teacher: So you have the species of male and female....
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Quote #546
Math Teacher: The negation of the negation of the truth, is truth.
Student: HA! Not. Not. Whose there? Truth!
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Quote #545
Biology teacher on XYY syndrome:
I'm big, I'm strong, I'm dumb.
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Quote #544
ITGS Teacher: No problem, no project, no points!
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Quote #543
When you try to tell an IB teacher a joke...
Scott: If Venetians are from Venice, who's from Venus?
Mr. Ha (didn't get it): Women are from Venus. So us guys, we get the planet with a possible atmosphere. You girls get the one with volcanos on it.
Boys: HAH.
*Long discussion ensues, in which girls argue that Mars has a huge volcano on it too... eventually it's decided that there'd have to be a sperm/egg trade between planets to keep the race alive.*
Mr. Ha: Wait, so women would rule the economy!
Girls: HAH.
Scott: That doesn't answer my question... if Venetians are from Venice, who's from Venus? :(
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Quote #542
Ms Richardson, English HL Teacher: "I don't understand shorthand. I once had to reply to an email and say 'Sorry, I don't know what you just said.' It was kind of embarrassing actually."
Matt: "Did you actually write out sorry?"
Ms. Richardson: "How else would I write it?"
Class: "Sry."
Karlena: "Or Sree." (ignored) "Or Sr3."
(entire class turns their heads to stare at Karlena)
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Quote #541
Sex Ed teacher (one-day guest): So can anyone tell me what to do if there's a hole in the condom?
Non-IB Student: Throw it out and get another.
IB Student: RUN AWAY.
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Quote #540
IB Chemistry Teacher: Which IB science are you planning on taking?
Student: Bio.
IB Chemistry Teacher: Good choice. My class is going to be HELL next year.
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Quote #539
Teacher to class: Now, if you are a good IB student, you feel guilty when not doing homeworks and thus you will do them and hand them in on time. If you procrastrinate you will go to hell.
Student: Welcome the IB program, we strive to be neutral and not get engaged in such subjects as religion.
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Quote #538
8-year-old kid: "twinkle-twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are..."
IB student: "a massive ball of gas burning millions of light years away!"
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Quote #537
You know you've had enough of IB English when you express your heartbreak by giving its parallel situation in A Yellow Raft in Blue Water.
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Quote #536
Quotes overheard in various classes. It's a wonder half of these people are even in the IB:
"I don't have palm cards, I have arm cards"- Nobby decided to cut his entire speech up and use them for his oral
"Just because you yell it doesn't mean you're right!!"- she yelled.
"Is pasta vegetarian?"
"I can't make my words any..uh..un-smarter than they already are"- as evident by that sentence, Nobby
"I'm spoonerific!"- a discussion about the differences between dislexia and spoonerisms. From Nobby
"The law is you have to cover your various naughty bits"- TOK
"Your fingers are like delicate little children"
"Water shouldn't be bottled..it should be free..and stuff"- ethics of bottling water
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Quote #535
Various quotes from my TOK class discussions
Dr Davey (TOK teacher, biologist)
"Shan't, won't, that's it, I'm not dividing"- on stem cell research
"What data can you get from ten dead insects?"- on marking biology exams
"No love eminating from this patosaurus at the moment"- after being called a medium sized grey animal
"I am NOT a blur. Not even a medium sized grey blur"- still offended about the grey animal thing
"Pigeons are landing very heavily on people's heads at the moment"- going off on a tangent, methinks
"The, er, alternative gender"- talking about men and their 'merits'
Dr Davey is a very special lady. TOK lessons are fun!
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Quote #534
History teacher trying to explain education during the Russian Revolution
"The level of education went from here-ish (held hand up high) to about there-ish (lowers hand)"
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Quote #533
Mrs. M.: Tea Cake's real name is Vergeable Woods.
Me: Haha Mrs. M., that sounds like a pornstar name.
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Quote #531
Health Teacher to Freshmen IB Class during Sex Ed Week: "So what have you all heard about P.P.'s?
Kids: *AWKWARD SILENCE* ...what?
Health Teacher: Personal Projects!
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Quote #530
The 'taster sessions' for prospective IB students.
The IB coordinator has set up a 'speed dating session' for the prospective students to lunch with the current students.
General chatter is happening, most people just eating.
IB coordinator, a man in his 60s, walks in and looks about.
Teacher: Just checking you weren't all having an orgy
Students: *nervous laughter*
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