Browsing the latest submitted quotations.
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AP World History Teacher: So, I tried having a discussion about China and the Olympics with second period, but I quickly learned they had no opinions. I hope you guys do a better job.
Student: Opinions? We only know facts!
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Quote #460
Mr. Ha: "The thing about asians... we kind of go everywhere. Funniest thing is an Asian with a texan accent. Like my cousin, "Y'all, let's go to the mall." And german accents too... Yeeeah, this is math class, back to the lesson.
Quadrant I is A: always positive. Quadrant II is S: only sine. Quadrant III is T: only tangent. Quadrant IV is C: only cosine. A mnemonic for memorizing this that my teacher taught me is "All Students Take Chemistry" and I thought "I'm never gonna remember that." There's also "All Students Take Craps" but...
Anyway, last semester when I was teaching this to my class, a guy says, "Ohhh! Mr. Ha, All Strippers Take Cash!" I'll never forget that."
The things we learn in an IB classroom. :)
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Quote #458
IB sucks the living and mortal soul from your body
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Quote #457
I had a life full of joy, happiness, love, parties, friends, food, sleep
... and then I woke up and finished HL paper 2
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Quote #456
IB student: I got screeweedd last night
*Non-IB student joins conversation*
Non-IB student: Niiiceee, by who?
*silence among the Ibers*
IB student: Who? ahahahahahhahaha
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Quote #455
Student 1: The answer obviously equals to 1327. Then if you need to multiply it by 7.794 to get the answer to b. the answer should be around 8000-9000
Student 2: Yes...okay....but I asked for your phone number
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Quote #454
You know you're in IB when you'd rather lose an arm then a math's portfolio
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Quote #453
French Teacher when we couldnt work out what to write in a paragraph about kidnapping:
French Teacher: You can say how small children are easier to kidnap because they fit in bags!
*silence in the classroom*
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Quote #452
Question on an HL Bio Exam:
A tall, blue blorg mates with a short, white blorg and produces all tall, blue blorgs. This is a result of:
a) both parents having heterzygous traits;
b) both parents having homozygous traits;
c) magic.
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Quote #451
A pre-IB freshman econ class...
Teacher: SEX!
Students: *jump up*
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Quote #450
Found this on my Facebook wall:
"I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WITH THE HISTORY STUDYING OMG. Last night I studied so much that I dreamed I was married to Stalin but then he killed me in the gulag!!!"
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Quote #449
Student: Oh, look at Bobby and Jo - he's sitting next to her!
History Teacher: Yep, Bobby is just like Rasputin, he can't control his sexual appetite!
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Quote #448
An IB student's AIM away message:
"You know what this feels like? It's like it's September 1939 and I'm Britain and he's Germany. I'm SO done with appeasement here."
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Quote #447
Hey Todd! Your epididymis is showing!
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Quote #446
If IB kids are supposed to be so smart, then how did we fall for THIS trick....
~Aubrie
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Quote #445
The secrets to passing your Math HL exam:
1) When in doubt, equate to zero and solve for x. If you're feeling adventurous, make it an inequality.
2) If a matrix is given, find the determinant, and continue with step 1
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Quote #444
*while watching a kid throw someone's book on the floor and run away*
Michael: Don't worry. He has the intellectual capacity of an amoeba.
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Quote #443
Student: Have you ever heard of a river called Gonads?
Science Teacher: No, where is that?
Student (not expecting a serious response): Uhhh, between your le... ...South America somewhere.
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Quote #442
German science teacher:
Teacher: No gravity allowed on your books
Student: No gravity, how do we stop that working?
Teacher: No graffitti
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Quote #441
Now I understand why 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. See, it means a 7 on all IB subjects. (excluding the 3 bonus points, of course)
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Quote #440
IB English teacher: "You are the bricks on the yellow brick road on which teachers love to walk on."
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Quote #439
IB English teacher: "All of your titles are cute, catchy...you can dance to it. But IB is the enemy of all things fun."
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Quote #438
IB Graffiti: y=mx+biatch!
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Quote #437
History Teacher: What comes to mind when talking about China?
IB Student: Fung shway?
History Teacher: What's that?
IB Student: The concept of selling crappy quality card tables to westerners.
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Quote #436
String CompSciDossier = Lame;
if (Dossier = "completeBeforeItsDueOnFriday")
{
System.out.println("miracle")
}
for (int today = 1, today <= Friday, today++)
{
Sleep = 0;
}
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Quote #435
I was gonna do it...but I didn't.
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Quote #434
Jordan: Wait, tea comes from a plant?
Mr. Bropst: ...And there goes the rare, indigenous tea animal.
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Quote #433
Teacher: [Noticing that half the class isn't there] What's due tomorrow?
Class, in unison: Bio/chem IA.
Teacher: Oh. 'Kay. [continues with lesson]
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Quote #430
Chemistry Teacher: (writes an equation on the board including around 2 tons of carbon)
Student 1: (Reads equation) That's a whole lot of carbon!!
Student 2: You're a whole lot of carbon!!
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Quote #429
Who built the ToK ArK?
Knower!
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Quote #428
Student gets up to leave halfway through a lesson.
Teacher: Where are you going?
Student: Slowly insane.
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Quote #426
The ultimate geek joke:
Paddy: Can you tell the difference between a gas and a plasma just by looking?
James: I dunno. I guess not. They'd probably look the same.
Paddy: Ohhh...... (makes flapping movements in the direction of James)
James: Ahhh! Paddy's throwing ions at me!
Yingke: Shouldn't you be dead?
James: Apparently not.
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Quote #425
Pre IB student: SO SO SO, is IB fun?
IB student: um, hmm, mhmm, eh. *grimaces*
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Quote #424
When I started at an IB school I though "wow this school is gonna be really nerdy". After a couple of weeks I realized "wow this school really isn't nerdy!"
Now I know I just became more nerdy!
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Quote #423
IB kid paying out other IB kid: You're such a soletrader.
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Quote #422
Passionate teachers treat their lessons like sex. They self indulge in deep interpretations, ideas that flow one onto another, and use excessively the words "MORE! MORE!!"
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Quote #421
Student 1: Have you done those scene summaries yet?
Student 2: Nope.
Student 1: Wait, have you even read Othello yet??
Student 2: Nope!
Student 1: But...
Student 2: Hellooo! Sparknotes!
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Quote #420
"That's a very simple explanation of the Year 7 transfer...of pain."
Physics Teacher talking about Translational Kinetic energy in relation to an experiment he did with year 7's punching each other.
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Quote #419
Said while doing Astrophysics and looking at how large the universe is:
"I feel so small! I mean there's no one for miles!!"
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Quote #418
IB Student: Aw man, I have a three hour French class after school today and I have a fever from swimming outside in the rain last night!
Non IB student: Why'd you even go to school!???
IB Student: *looks at other student weirdly* My well being is not my priority, my CAS hours are.
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Quote #417
What did pi say to i?
Get real.
What did i reply?
Get rational.
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Quote #416
During a year 11 TOK class
“Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true.”
Bertrand Russell (1917)
Student: Oh great, another pointless part of TOK.
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Quote #415
In TOK class trying to define 'good' and giving examples of when we use it
Student 1: 'Good' is what you use to describe something that is not bad.
Student 2: But that definition doesn't apply to all uses of it.
Student 1: But for example out of a 'good boy' and a 'bad boy' then of course the good is the one you would want.
TOK teacher: Uh... really??
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Quote #414
You know you're in IB when you can see individual air molecules vibrating
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Quote #413
Normal teacher : Okay class, we are having a test next class.
Normal students: Sure.
IB Chemistry teacher: We are having a test on electrolysis next class.
IB student: But Mr. Parker, we CANNOT do it cause of our History paper (due in 3 weeks) and our English essay on Oedipus (due in 2 weeks).
IB Chemistry teacher: Oh sheesh. Okay.
We are the biggest whiners and liars ever!
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Quote #412
Sitting in chemistry:
KJ (teacher): When naming polar covalent...
(Intercom comes on and tells school to get into tornado position)
KJ: Okay, everyone hold onto your bookbags and there's no way the tornado can lift you off the ground.
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Quote #411
If the forward to a book went something like this:
"This book means absolutely nothing and does not intentionally contain any underlying meanings. Any symbolism, imagery, figurative language, etc. is purely coincidental."
IB English teachers would expect an analysis essay over it from their students.
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Quote #410
"On the way to school I contemplated driving into a tree instead of facing my chemistry IB teacher" (IB day dreams)
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Quote #409
IB Bio teacher: So in a few weeks, the cats will be delivered and we will be dissecting them.
Christian: omg! could you like, put a surprise into each cat?
Chris: Yeah! Like a lollipop or something?
IB Bio teacher: yeah! I'll sit in my classroom all day opening up cats and putting in little toys!
Half the class: REALLY?
IB Bio teacher: NO.
Class: *disappointment*
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Quote #408
IB Coordinator: So... You'll all be welcoming and inviting to all of the potential year ones, right? Tell them all about the good things in IB.
Year 2 Students: Um.. sure. *exchange glances* *Coordinator leaves* Let's tell them to run far far away and never look back.
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