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Quote #535

Various quotes from my TOK class discussions

Dr Davey (TOK teacher, biologist)
"Shan't, won't, that's it, I'm not dividing"- on stem cell research
"What data can you get from ten dead insects?"- on marking biology exams
"No love eminating from this patosaurus at the moment"- after being called a medium sized grey animal
"I am NOT a blur. Not even a medium sized grey blur"- still offended about the grey animal thing
"Pigeons are landing very heavily on people's heads at the moment"- going off on a tangent, methinks
"The, er, alternative gender"- talking about men and their 'merits'

Dr Davey is a very special lady. TOK lessons are fun!

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Quote #534

History teacher trying to explain education during the Russian Revolution
"The level of education went from here-ish (held hand up high) to about there-ish (lowers hand)"

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Quote #533

Mrs. M.: Tea Cake's real name is Vergeable Woods.
Me: Haha Mrs. M., that sounds like a pornstar name.

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Quote #531

Health Teacher to Freshmen IB Class during Sex Ed Week: "So what have you all heard about P.P.'s?
Kids: *AWKWARD SILENCE* ...what?
Health Teacher: Personal Projects!

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Quote #530

The 'taster sessions' for prospective IB students.

The IB coordinator has set up a 'speed dating session' for the prospective students to lunch with the current students.

General chatter is happening, most people just eating.

IB coordinator, a man in his 60s, walks in and looks about.

Teacher: Just checking you weren't all having an orgy
Students: *nervous laughter*

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Quote #529

TOK teacher is a man of about 60....

Student: I think the ladder of love signifies an advancement through years of love. Like how it becomes richer and more powerful through time.

Teacher: Well, I'm ashamed to say that I think people can go up and down the ladder. I still enjoy sex with my wife. Very much so. I like being at the bottom of the ladder.

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Quote #528

Chemistry teacher walks past student and knocks her stool.

Student1: Hey, you hit my stool!
Teacher: Really?

Teacher does it again and then kicks the student's stool next to hers (Student 2)

Student 2: What was that about?
Teacher: I just don't like you.

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Quote #527

Two IB students are washing a car for charity

Student 1: Ah, the windows keep getting white marks all over them
Student 2: Yeah, it's really streaky

Student 2 looks at the windows and wipes hand across it. White mark disappears

Student 1: Oh...
Student 2: See, that works. I'll just give all the windows a hand job

Student 1 raises eyebrows and then student 2 realises what she's said.

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Quote #526

The fact that we have a website dedicated to supposedly funny yet brilliant and sometimes obvious quotes, all in honor of IB, basically proves the point of IB; there isn't one.

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Quote #524

I had a nightmare last night.
I dreamt I was in IB.

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Quote #523

Ordinary school student : If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands...

IB school student : If you're happy and you know it then you've gone crazy!

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Quote #521

SCHOOL IS DEATH!
IB IS HELL!
CHEMISTRY IS SATAN HIMSELF!

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Quote #520

----- NICOLA ----- QUEENSLANDER!!!!!!!!!!! says:
o yeh coz i can do chem while sleeping
»josh« says:
of course you can
»josh« says:
havent you heard of sleepworking?
»josh« says:
apparently IB students are very good at it...


this took place in an msn convo at 12:11am

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Quote #519

TOK: What is math?

Student 1: Math is a way of expressing ideas. Math is it's own language.

Student 2: Math is more than just a language. Math allows us to express ideas and statements that are impossible to express using a natural language.

Student 1: Can you give me an example?


-GDHS I.B 2007-2009

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Quote #518

Only the Swiss could come up with something as unpleasant as the IB.

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Quote #517

Only in the IB can you be thinking so hard about something that you get into an argument with yourself about it, lose the argument and then refuse to talk to yourself for days.

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Quote #516

You know the IB has got you when somebody says "skeet" and the first thing you think of is the Olympic Sport...

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Quote #515

School shooter? I'm too fucking busy to be a school shooter!

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Quote #514

Before starting your exams, remember this. You are the baby seal and your marker is the Canadian with a big stick with a hook on the end of it.

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Quote #513

IBS - IB Syndrome
Sufferers often suffer from acute stress, paranoia, sleep deprovation and caffine highs.
- On friend's Advil bottle

(To friend: Does this thingy take HTML?
Friend: *Reading manga* How would I know? I'm trying to procrastinate over here!
To Friend: 0.o Sorry...)

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Quote #512

In IB History Class while writing an in class essay......

*A student outside is screaming*

The class all looks toward the window
Ms. Zarcone looks up from her desk to say "Don't worry, it's an IB student"

*The class laughs*

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Quote #511

TOK teacher: In case you haven't noticed, humans are not very smart people.

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Quote #510

There's a reason it's called Motrin IB.

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Quote #509

What men love to see in women: their Y=X^2. (shaped like a "camel toe")

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Quote #508

In a HL maths class:

Student 1: 8 divide 2 is...16!

Student 2: haha! you're an idiot, why are you doing HL maths?

5 minutes later:

Student 2: what's one to the power of five?

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Quote #507

3 weeks before the World Lit. is due:

Student: What's World Lit?

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Quote #505

*a teacher is explaining about metallic bonding to Chemistry students*

Teacher: Metallic bonding have high conductivity because of the sea of electrons
Student: ...

*the teacher keeps explaining*

Student: ... *looking confused and look at the teacher*

*the teacher keeps explaining further*

Teacher: The low ionization energy, malleability and ductility are also because of the sea of electrons *writes 'sea of electrons' on the whiteboard*

Student: OHHH!! It's sea of electron. Now it makes sense... I thought you said C of electrons.

Other classmates: bleh -_-"

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Quote #504

IB math, you only get it after the test!

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Quote #503

IB student: Enjambent... Yes, I believe it to be a silent 'J'.
IB HL English Teacher: Actually, it's a silent 'B'.
Class chuckles
IB student: IT WAS A JOKE!!!!

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Quote #502

Non IB student: DBQ....a barbeque for people with D's?

IB student: NO, no, no. It's an essay or personal written source where we gather information from a specific historic document, photgraph, piece of art, or book. You then take every little bit and detail and carefully analyze it until you can't go any further in depth. You then present in a carefully written essay that demonstrates your understanding and depiction of the document or source.

Non-IB student: What the fuck are you on?

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Quote #501

IB, where three hours is too much sleep.

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Quote #500

Remember seventh grade, when five pages was too much, and now it's eighth grade, and we've got to have thirty pages done on the first night to meet Mr. Unmack's requirements... Damnit, I gotta type that damn fairytale, it's only 45,000 words long!

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Quote #499

I.B., where an A- isn't enough!

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Quote #497

After months of envying the IB Enviromental Systems Kid's easy course work, Us IB Physics kids finally had something to hold over them:


Rocket Launching!!!!!

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Quote #496

I sold my soul to take IB Physics, and all I got was flavor blasted Goldfish.



(During the break between paper 1 an 2 during the IB exam)

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Quote #495

Chemistry Teacher: ...then we will have to add HCl

Jason: What's HCl again?

James: It's Highly Concentrated Liquid, dumbass!

Jason: Ooh, ok....*writes down*

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Quote #494

In HL Physics. A class of 11 students. The teacher and all the students are male except for me.

Chapter on Quantum and Nuclear Physics.

"... And so you have quarks which make up hadrons. Now, you have many different kinds of hadrons like baryons and mes--"

*genuinely puzzled* "Sir, sir, wait. I don't understand. What are *looks at notes* hard on--"
Whole class bursts into laughter. "-- I MEAN hadrons?"

'Hard on! He said hard on! AHAHA!'
'Ahaha, Jerome, you're an idiot.'
'Jerome! It's HADrons!'
'Hard on... Ahaha'
''What is a hard on'... Ahaha. You don't know what a hard on is, Jerome?'

Then they start noticing my presence and become uncomfortable.

I think I laughed the hardest.

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Quote #493

(Day that a math's portfolio was due)

IB Student 1: So, how many of hours of sleep did you get last night?
IB Student 2: I haven't slept in two weeks.

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Quote #492

IB Student 1: Is light a particle or a wave?
IB Student 2: Yes!
Non-IB Student: Haha you idiot! You can't even answer a "this or that" question properly.
All IB Students: There's so much irony it hurts.

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Quote #491

Why did you decide to enter to IB course?
Because the whip and hot wax on the already bored me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
¿Por qué decidiste meterte al BI?
Porque el látigo y la cera caliente ya me aburrían.

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Quote #490

<<00XXXX-XX>> My number of convict
--------------------------------------------------------
<<00XXXX-XX>> Mi número de presidario

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Quote #487

Teacher: I feel like a sewage worker every time I grade your papers: No matter what I do, I have to wade through all of your crap.

Student: What do you expect, it's TOK!!!

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Quote #486

When I think about the pile of work I have left, I feel like crying...

...until I realize that I can't even spare the time needed to cry.

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Quote #485

If you think you're doing the IB, you're wrong. The IB's doing you.

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Quote #484

ToK
Student 1: Relativity makes no sense.
Student 2: In comparison to what?

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Quote #483

Preceding a presentation in a geography class...

Josh: Simon says, put your hand on your nose.
(Students all put their hands on their noses.)
Josh: Why'd you do that? I'm not Simon..

5 minutes later..((presentation has started))

Colin: Wait a minute... are you the representative of Simon?

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Quote #482

*Student 1 fails his HL Physics test*

Student 1: Sir, we never learned this in class...
Teacher: I know.

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Quote #481

Calculus teacher, working out a difficult problem: Okay, I don't know where I'm going, but this is where I'm ending.
Student: Deep.

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Quote #480

IB Physics Teacher, giving out midterm grades: Isn't this exciting?! It's like American Idol!
Student (sarcastically): Yes, it's exactly like that.

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Quote #479

Teacher: No, we won't be getting into our math groups today. Carter's talking out of turn.
Carter: Life is all about second chances.
Teacher: Not in IB it's not.

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